A Baby? Maybe. . .

Even If Only For a Short While...

2011-04-25T19:26:00.000-07:00

"In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here."

- "Angel" Sarah McLachlan

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for our family/friends yesterday. Baby Arrayah arrived on this earth at 6:10 am this morning and had three amazing hours with her family to say hello and then goodbye, which is more than that the doctors had ever expected.

I got to hold her today, after she had already left this earth. She was truly beautiful.

"We shall find peace. We shall hear angels,

we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds."

-Chekov

Do You Pray?

2011-04-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

I know I'm full of empty blogging promises, but I have my reasons. None of which are relevant to my post today. Today I'm going to ask you something. Something very personal.

Do you pray?

Because I have a family in need of your prayers, and they just happen to be a part of our family whom we love dearly. Pray on your own, add them to your church's prayer chain, share this blog entry. Anything. Please.

Rob's cousin Cadie and her husband Jamal are two of our closest friends. Their sweet daughter Sahara is only 6 months younger than Lucy, and they are the best of friends (even though Lucy told me today that Sahara is not allowed to play with her My Little Ponies).

(How sweet are our girls? The best of friends!)

Cadie found out she was pregnant three months after I became pregnant with Zoe. We were thrilled that they were going to have another baby around the same time. Devastatingly, during Christmastime at their gender ultrasound, they received the news that their baby, a girl, had a fatal kidney disease. The doctors told the family that she would not likely survive for long after that.

Arrayah, the name they gave her as soon as they found out she was a girl, is a fighter. Now, months later and a month away from her due date, she is still holding on. The doctors have given her no chance of survivial outside the womb due to her lungs not being able to fully develop, they have told the family since it appears she will carry Arrayah to term that once the umbilical cord is cut that their time with Arrayah will end. But this family believes in miracles. They believe in the power of prayer, the power of hope and the power of grace. They are fighters too.

I cannot imagine being told that the child you are carrying is not going to survive. I cannot imagine having to go through the day, feeling each tumble and kick, knowing that the chances of bringing this sweet baby home is deemed medically impossible. The strength of this family, this mother, leaves me awestruck.

Please, please, I know you don't know them from Adam, but we love them so and even though we know the different ways that this family's journey may end, we want as many people hoping and praying for this family and sweet baby Arrayah as possible as her due date gets closer. Please. You can follow their journey at Cadie's blog One Step Closer and you can "Like" Pray for Baby Arrayah on Facebook.

Thank you.

She has arrived!

2011-03-11T16:01:00.000-08:00

Miss Zoe Josephine Menillo arrived at 11:26 pm on Thursday, March 3rd, 2011 after about 6 hours of labor (so much easier this time around!). She weighed 6 lbs, 10 ounces and was 18 inches long. She is beautiful and apparently is the spitting image of her daddy when he was born! Lucy just adores her and is adjusting really well to being a family of four.

Birth story to come tomorrow (or the next day). Even a week later I'm still soaking this all in.

Meanwhile...pictures:

“Birth is the sudden opening of a window, through which you look out upon a stupendous prospect. For what has happened? A miracle. You have exchanged nothing for the possibility of everything.”

-William MacNeil Dixon

"Why are you so fat around your stomach?"...

2011-02-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

Lucy and I ventured out to the library today. It's one of her favorite places to go because first we go feed the ducks at the pond and then go get books (which is basically all she does all day long, read books and dance to "Little Bunny Foo Foo").

So, even though I was exhausted from doing nothing all day, I thought that we needed to get out of the house so the five minute away library trip was perfect (and I just could not take any more Bunny Foo Foo). The car the entire trip Lucy will say "Hold your horses ducks, we're coming!" which is cute, no? Not so cute she also likes to rhyme a very unfortunate word with ducky, over and over again whilst on our way to feed the ducks. We try to suggest every other rhyming word under the sun: ducky lucky, ducky mucky, ducky bucky, ducky zucky...but to no avail, she insists on ducky f- well, you know. Something to work on.

After the ducks were fed to the library we went. We had just started perusing the kids section when a 8/9ish year old girl came over to me. She stood in front of me and said:

"Why are you so fat around your stomach?" and POKED me, repeatedly, in the stomach.

I said, as shortly as possible and starting to walk away, "Because I have a baby in my belly."

The child follows me and, still attempting to poke, says "I came out of my mom's belly".

I said, still walking away, "Yes, we all do"

To which she replied, "But yours is REALLY HUGE!" and gave me another poke.

I was just about give this child a piece of my mind when her mother waltzed up and said "Ohhhh, I hope she's not bothering you." She must have seen the look on my face because she ushered the child away quickly without looking back.

Now, I probably should have said something, because can you imagine how a person would feel if that child went up to them and THEY WERE NOT PREGNANT? But I think I was so shocked that I didn't say a thing!

Someone did suggest that I should have said, "Why is my belly so fat? Because I just ate a small child... that reminds me, I'm hungry". Ha...wish I had thought of that one at the time! Or maybe just poked her back.

Lesson: it's one thing for your two year old to rhyme ducky with an inappropriate word (and hey, she'll be broken of that WAY before she's 8) but its a whole new ballgame when your 8 year old has no clue whatsoever regarding personal space and cannot grasp the most basic manners! Terrible!

"Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners."

-Author Unknown

:: Dusting Off Blog Page ::...

2011-02-19T14:04:00.000-08:00

Oh hello, you may remember me as the blogger formerly know as "A Baby? Maybe...".

I don't know if you know this, but several months back, right around the time I found out I was pregnant with soon-to-arrive Zoe, I received a new position at work. A promotion? Well, no that's being a little generous. It was more like:

"Dear B,

We're going to give you the job formerly done by multiple people and ask you to fix all the major problems and inconsistencies in by managing two major corporate-wide programs that set our multi-million dollar, international tech company up for huge lawsuits...all by yourself. Congratulations and good luck...

PS. You're really not going to receive any training for this.

PPS. You're not going to make that much more money either.

PPPS. Be careful for the individual liability states, because there, people can just sue you personally instead of us.

xoxo - Work"

So, that's about the time I dropped off the face of the (blog and regular) earth. Through my pregnancy I worked like a dog, traveled almost every month away from my family, routinely worked 60+ hours per week. I lamely attempted blog posts here and there but...it was the first to go in order of importance. Every night that I was online, I was working...and that was pretty much every single night after Lucy went to bed.

BUT, I'm happy to announce that as of today I'm OFFICIALLY ON MATERNITY LEAVE. You have no idea how good that feels. I feel like I've just been barely keeping my head above water the past couple months. Trying to continue some semblance of a normal life with the demands of working motherhood, working pregnant motherhood...er working like a madwoman, being a mother to an extremely bright 1 year old (I'm not kidding, the kid is a genius, which in turn makes her too smart for her own good, and for my own good) and being pregnant, and sick, all the time - yes, it was too fun for words I tell you!

But now, I'm free. Free, free FREE for THREE glorious months. How do I celebrate my first day? Well, we woke up late, (as Lucy regularly sleeps until 8:00 am), ate cinnamon rolls, read a good book until noon while Lucy played, Lucy went down for a nap and I actually just washed and blow dried my hair for the first time in months (the blow-drying part, not the washing... I'm not that gross). Amazing. I feel like a new person. I look like a new person. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and feel better than I have in months, in a matter of one day. It's incredible. So now here I am, hoping to catch up on the writing that was something I enjoyed pre-new job (that and hair-blowdrying apparently).

In these catch-up posts I'll be sharing some of of the past couple months of photos while I've been incommunicado, here are out Fall Family Photo Shoot (photo credit to my awesome coworker Jennifer Komp Photography, Portland).

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.”

- Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

I'm not perfect...

2010-12-07T08:11:00.000-08:00

Shocking I know. My 30 Days of Thankfulness fell terribly short, but that doesn't mean I'm not incredibly thankful for all that I have...it just means that my life gets in the way of blogging sometimes. Imagine that. I mother. I wife. I grow life. I work like a dog and, if I have a spare minute at the end of the day, I blog (or I used to). But honestly, in the past months those spare moments are few and far between. Ah, well. So goes life.

Someday maybe I will be back with regularly scheduled posting, but for now, I just try and get through the day in one piece. I don't know how you blogging moms out there do it!

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read and all the friends I want to see."

-John Burroughs

30 Days of Thankfulness

2010-11-10T21:53:00.000-08:00

I missed three days of thankfulness due to travelling for work-- I'm home now and ever so thankful for the health and happiness of the ones around me whom I love the most.

Thinking of those who have lost their battles, and of their family and friends during this difficult time. Cinn - this one was for you. ::Raising a ribbon wand::

For some moments in life there are no words.

-David Seltzer, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Our Life In Pictures - Autumn and Halloween Fun (and Thankfulness - Day 6)

2010-11-06T11:38:00.000-07:00

I just love the fall. I just love this age. I just love it all...

I'm (so, so, so) Thankful we get to make these kind of memories.

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. "

-The Wonder Years

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day Five

2010-11-05T21:01:00.000-07:00

Today I'm Thankful for TUMs....because I'm on FIRE with heartburn. Thanks Zoe girl!

“Being pregnant is an occupational hazard of being a wife.”

-Queen Victoria

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day Three and Four

2010-11-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

Day 3 (belated) - Thankful for a beautiful fall evening perfectly timed for when we get out family pictures taken friend and talented photographer (pictures to come soon)! The light was just amazing...

Day 4 Thankfulness that my computer is too slow to finish my work for tonight, ah....relaxation.

“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.”

-Unknown

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day Two

2010-11-02T22:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight I'm Thankful that the elections are over and that my mailbox will no longer be stuffed with mud-slinging junk (I'm looking at BOTH of you, Oregon governor candidates) and I won't have to watch the incredibly irritating campaign ads on TV anymore (that's right Denny Heck, I'm talking to you, was the best you could do with a campaign slogan "Give 'Em Heck"...? Really?!) I actually counted and I received the SAME mailer from one candidate 23 times! I'm sorry Katie Eyre Brewer, I don't want to see your shining, smiling face in my mailbox TWENTY THREE TIMES in a month.

That being said, I'm also incredibly Thankful that I live in a country where the citizens have the right to vote and have a say in our chosen representatives and laws. Though I don't agree with everyone that is elected and every law that is passed, I still exercise my right to vote in every election because I do believe that my vote counts.

How about you, did you vote?

“Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.”

- John Quincy Adams

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day One

2010-11-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

Shall we state the obvious? I'm incredibly, absolutely, entirely thankful for my sweet little family. My darling husband, my sassy Lucy and my tiny, kicking Zoe.

That's right, we've decided on a name...

Zoe Josephine M.

Isn't it lovely? I simply adore it.

I'm going to try posting one thing I'm Thankful For every day of November, just to be unique. Ha! Ok, I know everyone is doing it...but hell, why not?!

" I love you more than anything in the world, Love your baby girl."

- Sugarland

It's a................

2010-10-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

ANOTHER GIRL!

Hooray! Miss Lucy is going to have a sister.

Since I think of myself as somewhat of an only child (my half brother and sister were in their 30s when I was born) it was a somewhat lonely childhood sometimes, although my parents did their best to make it fun, I longed for a sister. I did notice that as a kid, most of the sisters that I knew fought like cats and dogs, however as an adult I am totally jealous of those sister relationships and how close most of them are.

Take my mother, she is one of nine (yes NINE) children and her sisters are all her best friends (all six of them). They have the best times together and I am so excited for Lucy to have that. Although I'll say right now, there won't be that many brothers and sisters for Lucy!

So we are very excited! Now we just have to think of a name and we're totally stumped. Lucy's name was just so easy because after trying for so long we had argued and vetoed and agreed on the name months in advance. For this little surprise we haven't thought of one name we both like. Not to mention the pregnancy has been so different we were certain it was a boy!

Lucy was so excited to go see the baby at the ultrasound, so she was understandably dissapointed that A.) we were telling her that the baby was this black and white, fuzzy thing on the computer screen and B.) We didn't go and get an actual baby. She was extremely put out. Not to mention she did not like Mommy getting that gel stuff on her stomach, and not being able to lie on the bed with her. So all in all, Lucy was unimpressed with the 18 week ultrasound.

We've decided that we're going to keep the nursery the same for Baby Girl #2. We might buy a new mobile (the cat attacked one of the birds in the mobile and it has been leaking stuffing ever since) and maybe a new rocker as the one that I've used is aproximately 100 years old and incredibly uncomfortable! But bedding, crib, wall art, everything else will stay the same. I'm sure the baby won't mind! Now lucky miss Lucy gets a new room and since she ADORES "diney-soors" we're going to make her a dinosaur themed big girl room!

I was seaching for some decals today and found these on Etsy:

I was thinking of buying two sets so I could get two different colors up on the walls and to keep it somewhat girly I was thinking of choosing Lavendar and Metallic Gold or White to go on the sage green walls we have up there.

She is so excited! This new room is WAY more exciting than the new baby.

So...here we go again! For now I'm destined to be a girl mommy!

"How wide and sweet and wild motherhood and sisterhood can be."

-Rebecca Wells

Oh hello there....

2010-09-14T21:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Blogosphere,

I'm back! It's been too long and there are many reasons for my being gone, mostly blamed on an insane work schedule, but none of that matters now since, I'm back! I need to get back in the swing of things so I figured what better time to announce...

I'M PREGNANT!

...and actually, quite far along. I'm 15 weeks to be exact. Shocking, isn't it?

Why did I wait so long? Well, there are people in my life -- work, friends, ect, who read this blog and I wasn't ready to tell the world so, it was our little secret for awhile there.

Were we trying? Well, I had my IUD taken out and one month later, shock of all shocks, I was pregnant. We couldn't believe it. After two years of trying for Lucy we get pregnant after one month of not-really-trying. When work was insane and my mother in law came to visit and I had to travel to California and it seemed absolutely impossible. I couldn't believe it. I actually waited until I was a week late to even test. Could it possibly be that easy?

Well...no. I was sick, and I mean SICK. Starting from week six I was absolutely miserably sick. Throwing up in my work trash can almost every day sick. 24 hour nausea sick. Migraines that lasted 3 days sick. I'm 15 weeks now and I'm still sick on and off. This is nothing like my pregnancy with Lucy, which automatically makes the husband think that its a boy (of course). But sickness I can deal with, the important thing is that baby is healthy and we find out on October 5th if he is a he or if he is a she!

Pictures to come soon of the bump! But for now, pictures of the light of my life, the soon-to-be best big sister EVER, my Lucy:

You'll forgive me for keeping this a secret for so long, right?

"She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child. "

-Barbara Alpert

Missing You...

2010-08-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Lucy,

Mommy misses you so very, very much when she is thousands of miles away. I just don't feel complete without you and your Daddy. Don't grow up too much in the week I am gone. Be sweet to Daddy.

Love love love and more, Mommy

"The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected."

-Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

A Reminder...

2010-07-26T21:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, after a day like this one, after a week last the last one, after a month like the one past I need to remember to go back and listen to this link in an old post as a reminder. What I am doing matters. And I'm doing the best I can. I listen to this once, and it just brings me back to my reality. It is up to me to define my life.

Defining a Movement

"You have to be brave with your life, so others can be brave with theirs."
-Katherine Center

Rumblings...

2010-07-26T16:00:00.000-07:00

I sit and stare at it. It greets me every morning at 6:00 am. Line upon line upon line of emails. Red exclamation points next to half of them to let me know “look at ME first. I’m important. Reply to ME.” I clean it out daily, hourly at times, but it keeps on going. Adding up to make me feel like I’m drowning in questions that needs answering. How long can I take paternity leave? What if I don’t want to turn in paperwork? What if I’m sick? When do I get paid? I don’t want to answer their questions. There is a little girl at home who is getting too big and growing up too fast and I cannot stand the hours I’m away from her during the day. Reply. Forward. Attach. Repeat. Snooze the Outlook Calendar reminders that pop up endlessly, do this, do that, do it now… you’ve been snoozing this reminder for 3 days now. Work hard, work long and someday it will pay off. I swear that should be the theme song, and, quite frankly, I don't know if I believe it anymore. Maybe this is just momentary stress during a transitional time at work, but its really taking me through the wringer this time...

I ask myself, why do I do this? The answer is simple really. It pays the mortgage, it pays the bills, it pays for food. People have told me-- if you really want things to work you make them work. We gave up our house, they say, moved to an apartment, take the bus everywhere, collect foodstamps…but I’m home with them, the children. You can make it work if you really want to, you’re just selfish. Perhaps. Or Perhaps that is not me. I am the nurturer, the mommy, but also the main provider. I can’t just throw it all away. We have worked hard for our little house, my extremely safe car (you wouldn’t believe the amount of hours…er days… that went into researching car safety), our quiet neighborhood, our providing for ourselves and others in our family who need help. Of course, I could quit my job and stay at home. It would only be a matter of time before we wouldn’t be able to make the house payments anymore, just one month with us having to pay practically a mortgage payment for our sick dog like last month and we’d be done for. We could sell the car, eat cheaper, processed foods. Sure, it could work. Instead of stressing about work I could stress about money. It’s trading one evil for another. Would the payoff be greater than the sacrifice? Possibly. Although, to play devil’s advocate, my girl is happy, well-adjusted and wonderful. I don’t worry about her. In all honesty it’s me I’m starting to worry about.

What wonder is, is there a happy medium somewhere? Somewhere else perhaps? The thought is scary, but at what point it is too much? At what point do I decide that my own quality if life is, in fact, important? That is what I’ve been wondering lately. The what else-s and what if-s are getting to me.

I’ll be back to regular writing soon. I’m in a funk and can’t seem to extract myself. Do you forgive a girl who is just trying to stay above water here? There is so much going on and I have so much to tell you...I promise if you stick around that you'll be glad you did.

How do you deal with whatever stresses you? Let me know.

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our Life In Pictures - Springtime

2010-05-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

I can feel it in the air. Summer is right around the corner and I cannot wait. Rob always teases me that I'm always so excited for the next season (usually when the current ones are not even half over). In the dry end of summer days I yearn for the crisp, cool days of fall. By about the 60th rainy day I'm ready for snow and twinkling Christmas lights. When I'm tired of scraping the freeze off of my car and going to work in pitch black I can't wait for the lighter days and the cheery spring flowers. And when Oregon gives me torrential spring rains I am giddy at the thought of steamy summer evenings drinking tall iced teas in our hammock under the grapevines.

Oregon always teases this time of year. Giving us a couple days of balmy, sunny weather...only to then keep us on our toes by bringing in near freezing temperatures just when I had gone out and bought four new summer tops and scored a great deal only shorties and tanks for Lucy. It's always a bummer to bring back out the winter sweaters after you've already sported a tank and shorts. And I shaved my legs for this?

Two weekends ago the Farmer's Market opened up. Do you have one near you? We start counting down the days starting in April for the beginning of market season. We are huge fans of the market and go every weekend without fail. The first market day did not disappoint, the weather was lovely and we scored some beautiful basil and tomato plants which just called my name to make a plateful of bruschetta and enjoy it outside on the patio al fresco. It's lovely. It means summer is literally knocking on our door. Horray!

Here are some pictures of our last couple weekends of fun times, in good weather and in bad! Also, notice the new "do"? Lucy got her first haircut!

“Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.”

-Yoko Ono

Lucy In a Nutshell...

2010-05-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

I took a hiatus from my blog to do something very important and glamorous...like get really, really sick. I don't just mean blow your nose kind of sick, no. I mean, can't get out of bed, throat so sore you can't swallow, face feels like its going to explode with pressure while you, cough until you can't speak kind of sick, just in time for Mother's Day.

Aside from my horrible sickness I've been enjoying my little family as usual. Lucy is talking up a STORM lately. She is such a smart girl. Sometimes too smart. Recently when she would do something she shouldn't I would say "Lucy, look at me" in an attempt to be stern and explain to her why we don't throw a cup or whack the cat with her book. She would usually laugh at me so I assumed she didn't understand what I was saying. Wrong! We were in her room one day and she was playing around while I put away her clothes and I heard her talking to her stuffed bear. She was sitting the bear on her little table, looking it straight in the face and saying "Yook a Me...YOOK A ME" I almost died laughing. She's smart as a whip, and she's got the attitude to boot. I wonder where she got that...

Lucy at 16 months

She runs instead of walks and doesn't cry usually if she falls. Carries an old, (naked) baby doll and my old stuffed bear (from when I was a baby) around with her everywhere (she rocks them constantly "wockababy, wockababy"). She loves pasta, preferably tiny Trader Joe's cheese ravioli, especially with my homemade tomatoe sauce and meatballs She can feed herself, albiet messily. She likes her gold shoes better then her black ones ("pwit-ahy"). She loves playing in the dirt and getting really "dirtay". She could spend an hour ouside digging in her makeshift sandpit underneath our hammock. She is incredibly smart and already knows the words to her books that I read to her at night before I say them. Her favorate book at the moment is Harry the Dirty Dog. She can count to four. Her favorate number is 9, (she'll yell out "NINE" after eight when you count to ten). She likes to go "wimmin" in the bath. She's started calling me "Mommy" instead of "Mama" and "Daddy" instead of "Dad Dad". She loves to smell anything that grows, something her Daddy taught her from when they walk around our herb garden and pick the herbs and smell them, which means she picks the leaves and flowers off of all my plants and walks around smelling them. She loves cantelope, watermelon, kiwi and apples. She goes to sleep like a dream but 95% of the time wakes up to snuggle in the middle of the night, (feel free to judge me, I don't mind it one bit). She's tall and skinny with a big head, 21% for weight and 85% for height and head (its that big brain in there). She gives a LOOK like you wouldn't believe, somewhere between and eye-roll and a sigh that makes me think that I've got it coming to me when she's a teenager. She got a haircut (well a bang-cut) last week and looks so much like a big girl it makes me want to cry. She's the most amazing thing ever. Ever. I love it. Every minute.

'In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage. "

-Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986

Something sparkly...

2010-04-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

picture from Swamibu via Flikr

Diamonds are supposedly a girl's best friend, not this girl. Don't get me wrong, I love a beautiful piece of jewelry as much as the next gal, however, today I received a gift of sparkly variety that is way better than diamonds in my humble opinion...

I came home today to a totally clean house. Now I'm not talking a picked up house, I'm talking a CLEAN house. Shiny, glossy, sparkly CLEAN. Best of all it was a complete surprise. Let me tell you what has been done here:

carpets vacuumed
5 loads of laundry done, including diapers
floor swept and mopped
dusting/glass cleaned
sink scrubbed
all dishes done
dogs bathed
dog BEDS washed
BATHROOMS CLEANED, and I mean CLEAN
Windowsills even wiped down

...and that is just what I've found so far. I don't even know when he found the time to do it today in between work and studying for a midterm tonight. I cannot believe it. Don't get me wrong, he helps, and I wouldn't even call it helping... we each do our share to keep our house up to my ridiculously high standards (I admit it, I am obsessive when it comes to cleanliness).l He is one helpful guy--he makes dinner 6 out of 7 nights a week (hey, he's a chef, its expected), does the dishes, makes the bed in the morning, picks up after himself. helps me deep clean on weekends and he always does all the yardwork in our large yard...but all this? Wow.

I got home after a long day at the office to an empty house (he's at school on Monday nights) and "ahhhhhh" the only thing I needed to do was give Lucy a bath and pop her in bed and and then just relax. Remember self? Remember the meaning of the word? Let me help you out, Define: Relax:- become less tense, rest, or take one's ease; "He relaxed in the hot tub"; "Let's all relax after a hard day's work. Ahh yes, now I remember...its been awhile.

I could do whatever my littler heart desired. Update the blog? Here I am. Peruse my Google Reader, done. Check my work email, yep (what can I say, I simply cannot relax completely, so sue me). Sit and watch junky TMZ and Extra...oh yes. I don't remember the last time I had a night like this. Where there was nothing I felt like I needed to do. I feel like I should be doing something but there is literally not.one.thing. I need to do.

I don't feel like I deserve this, I'm so exhausted half the time that I don't feel like Rob gets half the attention he really deserves. How did I get do lucky? Amazing. Absolutely amazing. Makes me even more excited on the new journey that Rob and I have decided on lately. Want to guess what it is? Have a try...

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."

-Mignon McLaughlin

Tulip Festival In Pictures...

2010-04-19T20:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend the weather was beautiful,( in Oregonian-speak that means not raining), so we headed down to the Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival in Woodburn. I had been there ages ago when I was a pre-teen with my parents, and I'm sure I was so busy being cool back then that I didn't notice the beauty that surrounded me.

It truly is breathtaking. Lucy loved it. She went from row to row smelling the "frowers" and saying "mmmmmm". Adorable, as usual. She is in an all-out "Mama" stage right now and I'm loving it. She is absolutely thrilled when I walk through the door to pick her up from work in the afternoons and this weekend, when she woke up and I was there she exclaimed "Ohhh Mama, Ughs Ughs" (translation: hugs, hugs) and gave me huge smiles and snuggles. I love it.

Here is the Tulip Festival In Pictures (sorry there are so many, I can't choose my favorites because it was just so amazingly lovely) Enjoy!...

"The family is one of nature's masterpieces."

-George Santayana

Fellow Blogger Girl Crush...

2010-04-13T12:24:00.000-07:00

I've always read Heir to Blair, since she started out blogging and even way, way back in the day before that on The Bump. But I cannot help but have even more of a blog-crush (the type where you'd love to hang out with this person in real life and drink sweet tea on her porch) on her after her super cute V-Log/vlog yesterday. Take a gander at her blog if you're so inclined. I'm super jealous of her ambitious weight loss and her great giveaways, not to mention her amazing strength in the midst of PPD.

“I have always been an admirer. I regard the gift of admiration as indispensable if one is to amount to something; I don't know where I would be without it.”

-Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Juggling Fail...

2010-04-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling...scattered. I've got way too many balls in there air.

Something always falls.

Being a wife...a daughter...a friend. Work. The house. My pets. The bills.

...Myself.

Sometimes I keep them all up in the air for a short period of time, albeit sloppily, but something always falls. It's inevitable. When it does I can't help but feel like a failure, yet totally unsurprised.

I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror the other day and it wasn't a pretty sight, smudged mascara, frizzy hair, thrown together outfit, a body that is desperately in need of a good run (or ten). I used to care, I used to like stylish clothes and sleek, straight hair. Coordinating scarves and cute earrings.

I used to laugh with my husband late at night. Confide in my mother. I used to see my friends once. Snuggle my pets. The bills, well, let's be honest, they've always sucked.

My back, my legs, my neck and my head ache I'm so tired--and from the stress. My brain is a fog from working early in the morning and then logging on from home at night, trying to keep my head above water at the job.

I'm good at the mom thing, I know this, but I can't help feel the failure creep in when I've been dying to see Lucy all day and then I can't help but be just a tiny bit relieved at night when she goes to sleep because I'm just so damn tired. I put on the fun face while she's awake, play on the floor, splash her while she's in the bath, read her just one more story. No matter how tired I won't drop that ball. But that time at night, when she's sleepy and snugly and we just sit in the rocking chair. It's like exhaling after holding your breath for a long time. Breaking the surface after being underwater.

Yes, the dishes are waiting. There are diapers to be washed. Work is still waiting for me to log back on. My mother is waiting for a call. My friends are wondering where I went when I dropped off the face of the earth. My clothes are sitting in an un-ironed pile at the end of the bed.

But at least I have that time at the end of the day, with a snugly, sweet baby, to let me know its worth it. Even if I'm dropping balls like crazy everywhere else.

How do you do it?

"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends, and spirit - and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life."

-Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises

My Baby Rocks...Giveaway Winner!

2010-04-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

And the winner of the Anchor Dress or Anchor T'shirt from the awesome shop My Baby Rocks is....

Commenter #23 -- Wiz from Fine Wine and Diapers (I love her blog!! Check it out!) She said:

"I love the Beatles "Yellow Submarine" T-shirt for my son!"

Congrats to you Wiz! Please email me at the "contact me" email link above this post so that I can pass on your information to Andrea at My Baby Rocks!

"Luck is believing you're lucky."

-Tennessee Williams

Exciting Announcement...

2010-04-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

Maybe not exciting to anyone else but...

Lucy used her tiny IKEA potty today. There was clapping and cheering by all involved.

You're welcome.

"There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million."

-Walt Streightiff

Friday Giveaway...My Baby Rocks!

2010-04-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

I have a very, very dear friend who I've known pretty much all of my life, since we were in diapers, who let me know recently that her cousin Andrea has started up the best little shop of punk-y, funky and downright adorable baby clothes out there. My Baby Rocks is chock full of onsies, shirts, hoodies, pants and dresses that are both unique and totally rockin (not to mention sweet stuff for parents too!).

Take, for example, the Anchor Dress, which was sent to me by Andrea for Lucy to try out -- Lucy told me "it rocks"! Ok, she may have said something more along the lines of "down, book, no, no, no cat", but I'm sure she was thinking that the dress rocked and that she looked adorable (in the punkest way possible) in it.

See for yourself:

I just love it! And I love that Andrea has offered The Anchor Dress or The Anchor Shirt to one of my lucky readers (choose from sizes 6m to 6t). What do you need to do?

Visit My Baby Rocks and leave in the comments of this post what adorable thing you covet from this sweet store.

That's it! I'm opening this post up to anonymous posters too, so please remember to leave your name and email for me to contact you if you win. The winner will be chosen by the Random Number Generator on Sunday. Good luck!!

"Rock on out."

-Janis Joplin

"For those about to ROCK --

We salute you!"

AC/DC

Easter Fun and Daddy Day...

2010-04-05T21:23:00.000-07:00

Lucy was all dolled up for Easter, lovely dress, adorable sweater, gold shoes (every girl should have a paid of gold shoes, I do)... but then Daddy gave her a mandarin. Hence the orange stains. Ah well, mandarins are terribly difficult to resist, no?

Earlier last week Rob had to take the day off of work (*had* to because he left his car keys in my car, so stranded at home he was) so he and Lucy had a Daddy and Me Day. Hair was not brushed, dirty shirt was worn, stairs were climbed, the yard was explored, ice cream was eaten for breakfast...you know, the usual.

Then Mommy came home...

I know I've been all pictures and very little substance lately, I'm just so damn tired. So to make it up to you and to, if you're still out there, I'll be doing a fab little giveaway this Friday with My Baby Rocks which is pretty much the cutest little line of punk baby clothes out there. So stay with me, will you?

"Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express. "

-Joseph Addison

Our Life In Pictures - Wild Baby

2010-03-29T20:58:00.001-07:00

Over the last couple weeks we have had some lovely warm days, which reminds me that this rain won't last forever... I hope (remember, I am in Oregon). The air is fresh, daffodils are nodding in the breeze and Lucy is running amok now that she's found her legs.

She loves being outside, my girl, and when we're indoors she spends her time stares longingly out the sliding glass doors to the yard. She likes to turn off the TV and announce "DONE", no square eyes on this one, she keeps us in check too. She's constantly in motion. I think she's going to be a wild one, way wilder than her mama, and in all honestly I think that's wonderful. Life is meant to be lived small one, be wild (but mama and daddy will always be here for you to come home to)...

“You never get nothing

By being an angel child,

You better change your ways

And get real wild.

I want to tell you something

I wouldn’t tell you no lie,

Wild women are the only kind

That really get by,

‘Cause wild women don’t worry,

Wild women don’t have the blues.”

-Ida Cox, blues singer

Simplifying Roadblock...

2010-03-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

You may remember my quest to simply my home when I wrote about it here back in January. It hasn't gone so well. I hate the overwhelming feeling of clutter and having too much stuff so I took action and cleaned out our office and half of my closet...and that is as far as I've got to date. :: Sigh ::

I have a hard enough time keeping up with my obsessive compulsive cleaning tendancies to tackle another room since my time is limited to when I'm not working and when Lucy is napping, so that is like a total of 7 hours over the weekends. However, my neighbor had a garage sale yesterday, (yard sale for you East Coasters, I've always thought its funny how in Oregon we call it a "garage sale" and how in Connecticut they call it a "yard sale"), and it made me YEARN, yes YEARN, to get rid of the clutter and stuff we do not use and have a garage/yard sale as soon as possible. Plus I intend on using the proceeds from that garage sale to purchase a garage door opener, because getting rid of our junk would mean a cleaned out garage which in turn would mean I could park my car in the garage for the first time in five and a half years, which is exactly how long we've lived here.

So while Lucy was down for her nap this morning, which on Sundays means that instead of relaxing I am madly cleaning the entire house, I was cleaning underneath out TV stand. I cleaned off the damn old school Nintendo that I bought for Rob three years ago for the millionth time and thought to myself," this is exactly the type of thing that would be perfect to go in the yard sale". Why? Oh maybe because he's turned the thing on approximately four times in the past three years. FOUR TIMES in THREE YEARS! Unless he is sneaking home from work during the day to play it, in that case we may have a whole host of other problems, I don't think it is ridiculous to suggest that maybe this is the exact sort of thing that we think about putting out to sell.

Me: "Hey Rob, so you know how I want to have a garage sale soon, to get rid of all the stuff we don't use? What would you think about selling this Nintendo? I mean you never use it and it just sits here collecting dust.."

Rob: ::HORROR:: "No! NO! I love the Nintendo. I don't want to get rid of it! NO!"

Me: "Really? You've used it like four times in the past three years..."

Rob: :: Indignant :: "Not true. I use it all the time. We're totally keeping it" (ps. this is absolutely not true)

::Sigh:: Rob 1. Simplifying 0. This is the thing about my husband. He doesn't buy things very often at all, however, he keeps every.little.thing. He's a total pack-rat. He will not get rid of things. He hangs on to ripped shirts he's had since college until they practically fall off of him. He has calenders from 2003 in his boxes in the garage. He keeps old tools that don't work and that he makes no attempt to fix. He is horrified when I throw out his old underwear that have holes in the crotch ("those were totally still good!")

I think I've found my other major roadblock to my wishful simplifying of our home -- my husband who wants to keep things that he never uses, and will most likely use less than three more times in the next ten years.

Oh well, what can you do? I guess if the Nintendo is fun for him when he plays it once every other year or so, then keeping it's ok with me (begrudgingly), but those calenders from 2003? They are OUT of here...secretly.

“You don't need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.”

- Guy Finley

The End of an Era...

2010-03-22T20:16:00.000-07:00

So, a little late on this one but we're done with breastfeeding, as of the beginning of February. I'm sad to be done and honestly, I would have continued it my supply wasn't such an issue at the end. No amount of oatmeal or Mother's Milk Tea would make Lucy any less frustrated when the let-down wasn't as fast as she wanted. It was just unpleasant for us both at the end. All in all though, I loved that time with her. I loved the bonding. I loved our quiet times together, before the screaming and frustration hit.

We went down to one feeding before bed, and then one night we just didn't do it and she was fine. Went to sleep like a dream. Me not so much, I laid awake thinking of the fact that she is growing up before my eyes. We nursed on and off for a couple weeks and them one last time, about a week into it, and then we were done. Forever. So permanent, right? It makes me tear up just thinking about it. That one last time, in the quiet, dark of her room. She was half asleep and didn't fuss or cry, I knew it was the last time and a part of me was relieved that I wouldn't have to fight to keep up the supply anymore, but most of me was so sad to see this time in Lucy's life move on.

I have a feeling I'm going to be that mother that cries at every stage. I see all the wonderful, exciting and new things that she does and I love them all, but a little bit of me cries every time because I know we're that much closer to heading off to preschool, wanting to hang out with friends instead of momma, asking to be dropped off at the mall, driving away from her at college. I just want to hang on to every moment. So I hung on. That last moment when we we were part of one another. She's always a part of me, but breastfeeding was connection that I am so grateful for.

I'm glad I powered through the discomfort and blocked ducts, the low supply and the awkward pumping at work. I'm glad I insisted on pumping in the parking garages and the on-street parking of work seminars, covered not-so-inconspicuously by my nursing cover. What? I'm just sitting here...in my car...no biggie! Stop staring! I'm thankful for the good-natured jokes I endured I got from the girls at work when I kept my milk in glass jars in our office fridge because I didn't want to waste all those tiny plastic bags (canning jars with plastic tops work wonders!). I'm grateful for every second of it.

Its the end of an era in my life, but still just the beginning of hers. Where does the time go?

"The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. "

-Joe Houldsworth

Temporary...

2010-03-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."

-Carrie Underwood

These lyrics make me think tonight...not about my home, but it certainly applies to how I feel sometimes. ::sigh:: I missed my girl today.

Walking Lady and Other Random Thoughts...

2010-03-09T20:39:00.000-08:00

I've been slacking on the blogging lately, but honestly, it is just hard enough to just keep up with life in general, let alone sitting down to blog. Tonight though the Mr is at class and Lucy went down at 7:00 pm on the dot without a peep, so immediately I grabbed a(nother) glass of wine and settled myself down on the couch with The Office on in the background. And..."ahhhhhhhhhh". Breathe.

I had something good to write tonight, I've always got ideas in my head that I think of throughout the day (and quite often in the middle of the night) but tonight, as I sit here in a (incredibly infrequent) moment of complete quiet and solitude, I cannot think of a single thing to write. So I apologize for the mish-mash of random updates and thoughts tonight. Blame the fact I get up at 4:45 am most days...or the 2 glasses of wine I'm in the process of imbibing. You choose.

So, a lot going on right now. The biggest news? Miss Lucy Lou is walking...er..make that running. She's been hanging on to things for months now and has been really tentative about just letting go and suddenly over the past couple weeks she's been a walking fool! She always requests to "wa" in the house, to the car, in the store...everywhere! No more Mama carrying that big girl around,no sir! She is going places -- fast! It's so cute most of the time she just takes off at a little tip toe run. My big girl!

One thing about Lucy that I haven't shared before? She's got the most adorable low, throaty voice. When she laughs it is all gravelly and low, totally hilarious coming from such a tiny,dainty, sweet looking girl! She says lots of words now, her current roster includes: "Apple" "Cat" "Mama" "Dadad" "Book" "Down" "Up" "Pupup" "Done" "Bath" "Mine" "Doll" and, of course, the ever wonderful, "No No No".

I don't have a whole a lot of other news. When I'm not working I'm with Lucy and Rob. Pretty simple really. I still miss her like crazy every minute at work, so that it still tough and honestly, I don't know if that will ever change...

So, since I'm blabbering randomly tonight and am contemplating a third glass of wine (its hard to type and hold a glass of wine you know, a girls gotta have priorities) I'm going to leave you with some of out latest pictures over the past month or so:

Our Life In Pictures:

"These boots are made for walking,

and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you."

-Nancy Sinatra

Re-Do...

2010-03-03T07:40:00.000-08:00

I randomly entered this absolutely amazing local Mama Makeover contest and realized this morning that I answered the final question incorrectly. Question: Why should you be chosen for the Mama Makeover in 1000 words or less? My answer, something quite lovely and thoughtful about what motherhood means to me etc. etc. All totally valid and true and then this morning it hit me. The real reason I need a Mama Makeover?

Today I slept in, meaning I woke up at 5:20 am. GAH! I didn't have time to shower, so here I sit, unwashed, at my desk eating a Cadbury Cream Egg for breakfast.

If that isn't reason enough... I don't know what is!

"Working mothers are guinea pigs in a scientific experiment to show that sleep is not necessary to human life."

-Author Unknown

Rocking...

2010-02-23T21:29:00.000-08:00

Tuesday nights Lucy and I are by ourselves. Most of the time I love having this one on one time with her. Even with my new schedule I still don't feel like we have enough time, so 4 straight hours of just Mama and Lucy is pure bliss. Rob goes to school on Tuesday nights so its our time to eat, play, bath time and read -- just the two of us.

Tonight I was tired. I didn't sleep well last night. Getting up at 4:45 am was rough this morning. Work was long. I didn't take a lunch and just worked from 6:00 am to 3:00 pm straight through. When I came home I played with Lucy, but in all honestly I was looking forward to the time when she goes to bed and I could just ...sit. Alone. Veg in front of the TV. Not need to entertain or make silly faces or watch every little move to make sure she doesn't put something she shouldn't in her mouth or take a dive into the coffee table. To just sit. Ahhh.

So 7:00 pm rolled around. We had played, we had eaten Tortellini and sweet potatoes for dinner, we played some more, we had done bath time with tons of bubbles, we had read 3 books. She went down easy, as she usually does, and I was back downstairs by 7:15.

Downstairs I sat. Sat and stared blankly at the Olympic coverage for 20 minutes. I was relieved that she hadn't fussed and was about to pick up my computer to write a much overdue blog entry when I heard her stir on the monitor. Stir and then whimper. Then "Mama...mama...mama". Then crying.

So much for my relaxation.

I went upstairs and Lucy was sitting in her crib, holding forlornly onto her "Milo" (which we *think* is a stuffed horse, but aren't entirely sure). Crying. I went and picked her up, wrapped her in her blanket as she snuggled her head into my shoulder. In the dark I sat down into the old rocking chair in her room and rocked. Even when she had fallen fast asleep on my shoulder I kept rocking. Every time I thought about getting up and putting her back in her crib I thought about Layla Grace, and I held on. I gently rubbed circles in her back and felt her soft little feet. I rubbed her hair with my chin and I wrapped her fingers around my finger. I buried my nose into her neck and smelled her lingering just bathed baby smell. And I sat and rocked, and rocked, and rocked. Thought about Layla Grace, and her family and how they so loved her and so wanted her to stay with them.

I prayed. Prayed for that family. Prayed for the health and safety of my own. I savored the rocking, the snuggled up baby, who is growing out of her babyhood by the minute, on my shoulder. Promised myself that no matter how tired, I will not take it for granted.

Hold someone who is dear to you close tonight. Promise me you won't take any of it for granted?

"You and I will meet again
When we're least expecting it
One day in some far off place
I will recognize your face
I won't say goodbye my friend
For you and I will meet again"
-Tom Petty

Guest Post: Let Me Just Go Grab My Checkbook...

2010-02-16T17:23:00.000-08:00

Boy, do I have a treat for you ladies (and gentlemen?) today! The lovely and completely hilarious Jen from Maybe If You Just Relax is a guestie today. I'm sure you all are as thrilled as I am. If you have no idea who this is, man, have I got a new blogger for you!

I've been a longtime fan of this lady, in fact, I think she was one of the first blogs ever that I started following on my Google Reader (pretty much the most wonderful invention to follow blogs) and to this day I get all giddy when I see she's posted a new post -- and then I laugh loudly and inappropriately at pretty much everything she says.

Enjoy!

....

"Let me just go grab my checkbook..."

That was my response to Jillian Michaels a few weeks ago. When I first started the 30 Day Shred. "You don't get abs like these for free, people!" She yells, as she helps someone do crunches. Someone with abs that would probably break your face if you looked at them wrong.

Yeah, well, at that point, I was ready to pay someone to shred my abs while I soaked in a nice bubble bath. Preferably, someone good looking, muscular, who loves my jokes and wants to feed me chocolates instead of encouraging me to work out.

I want to hate Jillian Michaels, just on principal. Workout videos are obnoxious. I hate when people try to motivate me, it just annoys me. I also hate when people with perfect bodies try to tell me how easy it is to jump around for thirty minutes. And I can't watch The Biggest Loser because all of the grunting and crying makes me want to claw out my own eyes, or just change the channel to something more respectable. Like Jersey Shore.

So many valid reasons why I should hate Jillian. But the truth is that I have a strange girl crush on her. I've been doing The Shred three days a week for almost a month, and I must say...that bitch means business. There is a whole side-lunge thing combined with an arm exercise that has me all sweaty and groaning like something dirty is happening in my living room.

Yes, I groan and grunt like a 400 pound Biggest Loser contestant. It is about as attractive as it sounds.

BUT, I have lost about 5 pounds. And the workout that once made me leak profanities from the blackest part of my soul? Is not so hard. I still have more rolls than a bakery, but I can notice a difference underneath the dough. And I've been able to work in three days a week of running on the treadmill along with Jillian. I'm like two workouts away from being able to give my husband a piggy back ride to the Taco Bell drive through.

Why am I hogging up Beverley's blog to tell you this? Well, because I am a slutty whore. That's why. Because I'm a slutty whore, and I'm ready to change it up and cheat on Jillian. And I'd like your help, because you are smart and pretty and your ass looks fantastic in those pants.

What workouts do you love? What workout gurus do you love to hate? Do you make naughty noises while you workout?

"A pretty woman is a welcome guest."

-Lord Byron

2010 Resolution Check In...

2010-02-09T20:43:00.000-08:00

Since it's been just over a month since I wrote out my lofty New Year's Resolutions(aptly named "Eat.Pray.Love" )I thought I'd do a check in to report in on how I'm doing. Here we go:

Eat - I'm happy to report that we're doing fairly well with our cutting out processed foods. I don't think we were that big on eating them in the first place, but you'd be surprised to see where you see harmful trans fats, dyes, additives and preservatives. We avoid corn syrup and opt for products made with cane or beet sugar (we completely avoid "fake" sugars altogether because they give me migraines). We're also making an effort to eat foods that contain actual "whole grains", opting for products made with the main ingredient being whole wheat or oats, (like pastas, cereals, crackers, rice, etc). I downloaded the Environmental Working Group's "Dirty Dozen and Clean 15" food guide and carry it with me. It lets me know which foods I should buy organic and the ones I don't necessarily have to worry about (this is really only necessary until the Farmer's Market opens, which is when we buy all local/organic every week). To save money we buy organic produce on sale after checking the Sunday paper's ads and also buy organic at Costco whenever they have it in, we also buy organic milk at Costco, which in the end costs basically as much as grocery store milk. Lastly, we've made a concerted effort to sit down at the dinner table every night. We're selling Lucy's Peg Perego High Chair (we bought it used on Craigslist so back it goes!) and bought the IKEA Antilop High Chair that has a removable tray so she can sit at the actual table with us (review to come soon, this chair ROCKS). All in all I think I'm doing pretty good on the Eat Resolution.

Pray - To tell you the truth I'm failing miserably at this one. I had a sweet reader tell me all about her awesome church here in Oregon, and generously invited us to join her and her family and we STILL haven't gotten around to it .Katherine, if you're out there I hope the invite is still good! It's difficult to actually go to church on Sunday mornings because Lucy still takes morning naps, so church usually equals a super fussy Lucy which is awkward when you're somewhere where you don't know anyone. Also, I really don't feel comfortable dropping Lucy off at a nursery in a strange place. So, yes, these are excuses but they are really why we haven't made it to church yet. The Pray Resolution needs work.

Love - I love Rob. I love Lucy. I've got my two great Loves. It's just that sometimes I just plain don't Love everything else. I still complain too much, even though half the time I don't even complain to anyone in particular... I complain to myself in my head and it brings me down. I'm still getting dragged down by the things that aren't going just right. I think wishful thoughts of how I want things to be and instead of making them happen I get petulant that they haven't happened already or that it will be difficult to get there, it will be a trial to MAKE them happen. I've got to Love the journey as well. I'm missing out and I'm not doing myself any favors if I don't Love even during the difficult times. So, yes, the Love Resolution needs work too.

So, one out of three isn't so bad. Right? How about you readers? Anyone sticking to their resolutions so far? Please share!

PS. It wasn't a resolution but I did also blog in January about Simplifying and so far I've done one room and one closet. They're my zen little corners of my house at the moment. Man does it feel good to get rid of the clutter!

"The philosophy of mine earth can be summed up as this: Sunshine creates happiness, and I create myself. Nights are long and life is predominantly good. Wind is refreshing. Tea is wisdom. Do the best you can, and be good to yourself so that you can above all be good to others. "

-Jessi Lane Adams

Millie's Bows...

2010-02-02T20:28:00.000-08:00

Last Friday Lucy and I went over to a friend's house for a uber glam baby photo shoot for a friend's new Etsy shop Millie's Bows. Turns out Lucy is a lousy model, she's way more interested in playing with her friend Kate's toys and showing off her mad standing-almost-walking skillz to the other babies that she simply wouldn't sit still for the pictures.

So I suppose she's not going to qualify for America's Next Top Baby Model, however, for her time (and my effort) my lovely friend Jamie of Bungalow Bee is going to give Lucy some of her sweet bows from Millie's Bows (named after her equally sweet baby Amelia). I love the thought of supporting stay-at-home mom businesses and Jamie has been a friend of mine since we were in Junior High (there are some amazing pictures out there of her, myself and her twin sister, who is one of my best friends). She's super creative and I just think her little shop is going to take off like crazy. They are just absolutely darling, my personal favorites being the tiny flowered ones and the ladybug ones, but don't take my word for it go take a look for yourself here!

"Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!"

-Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Thinks You Can Think!

Wow...

2010-01-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

This video from Mom 2.0 just made me tear up. I WANT to go to this conference. ::Sigh:: Here's to wishful thinking, right?

So true and beautiful that it hurts. Right?

"You are writing the story of your only life, every single day. And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one."
-Katherine Center (check her out here)

Embarrassing Work Moment of the Week...

2010-01-29T07:06:00.001-08:00

...or possibly the year?

So, I work in HR. You know, the place where you're supposed to behave yourself? The place where you're not supposed to say anything inappropriate and be all PC and all that good stuff. The "safe zone"?

An employee came in to see me this morning to discuss his dental coverage. He's a nice guy who often comes in and shares stories about his kids, etc. We got to chatting about movies and I mentioned that I had gone to see the Dear John premier last night.

Employee: " Man, did you get anything to eat from concessions? The prices of that stuff lately is astronomical!"

ME: "I know, right? Coworker L. and I decided that we would get popcorn and candies and then she went and spilled our Reeses Penises..er...penis..er...pieces...err.. ...durrr...umm..all over the floor in the movie theater."

Employee:"..."

And then I died a little on the inside due to the sheer embarrassment of it all.

The end.

HR...NOT where you should go to discuss Reeses Penises.

"Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the god damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people? "
-Office Space

Got What I Was Looking For...

2010-01-27T13:24:00.000-08:00

I got some great feedback from the last post, and some not so great, but hey, that comes with the territory. I do want to speak to my mom before she on the off-chance finds my blog, so I did delete it. Thanks everyone for your candid responses, they are very much appreciated and it helped a lot to know that I'm not alone.

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
-Erica Jong, How to Save Your Own Life, 1977

The Baby Jail...

2010-01-25T19:20:00.000-08:00

So even though Lucy isn't walking yet (so very close) she sure can move (like greased lightening), and with our 2 dogs and 2 cats and the fact that she can pull those "babyproof" socket plugs right out in a millisecond we recently invested in a "baby jail". I actually have no idea what this contraption is actually called, because all I've ever referred to it as is "the baby jail", but it looks like several baby gates all attached to one another and it is wonderful.

Esthetically, well, we're not exactly looking like the pages of a Pottery Barn catalog at the moment but, hey, she's happy. We basically turn our family room into a enclosed baby playground with a huge quilt on the floor and toys everywhere, all safety contained within the baby jail. Here Lucy isn't tempted by the seemingly delicious dog beds, seriously every time she would be on the floor she would crawl directly to the (disgusting-even-though-I-wash-them-weekly) dog beds and immediately put her wide open mouth on them. Ew. She would also make a beeline for the electrical outlets (covers-shmovers), the sharp edged brick fireplace or the mean cat...so basically anything that would cause her harm...like a moth to the flame... This "baby jail" has worked wonders.

Every day when I come home from work we spend 1 1/2 to 2 hours playing happily within the (safe) confines of the baby jail. Sometimes this involves throwing our toys over the side with gleeful shrieking ensuing and sometimes it involves sitting quietly with Mama and reading a book, it is great fun for all and I don't have to worry about her trying to tip over the bookcase or getting into the trash under the sink. I'm also looking forward to using it in the yard which I will hopefully get into this year (as opposed to last year when it was a hot mess). I'm hoping to plop her down in the shade of one of our trees with a bunch of toys and books and actually make our garden look halfway decent this year, hurray!

$50 is a small price to pay for piece of mind.

"A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. She can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot." - Alan Beck

It's Getting Better...!

2010-01-19T20:28:00.000-08:00

It's getting better! Lucy is feeling the love again for Mama and this new schedule is working out even better than I could have hoped. Most importantly I feel like I get so much more time with Lucy in the afternoon through the evening, it is truly awesome! In addition to to my Lucy-Mama time with this new schedule I also get so much more done at work in the early morning hours when there are no walk-ins, phone calls or breaks to chat with my co-workers. I feel so much less stressed trying to get everything done because I have three solid hours to non-stop, bang away at my "to-do" list so that even if my remaining hours at work are full of interruptions I still get so much more done that before.

I thought it was going to be really hard getting used to waking up at 4:45 am...suprisingly, it isn't hard at all. In fact, I feel so much more awake when my alarm goes off at 4:30 am (I'm a big time snooze hitter) than I do when my alarm goes off at 7:00 am. It's crazy. Sure, I get a little sleepy in the evenings but as long as I go to bed by 10:00 pm its nothing a little coffee or tea throughout the day can't remedy. Also, can I tell you how nice it is to walk out of the office at at 3:00 pm? Into actual daylight? In the winter? Amazing. Also amazing...no traffic! I zoom (and by zoom I mean I may go a wee bit over the speed limit) through the empty streets in the morning and in the afternoon the only bit of traffic I run into are the school buses, and that's only if I'm running late. Once the weather gets nicer and it is lighter later I'm going to dust off the jogging stroller I bought at a garage sale last year and start taking runs with Lucy in the afternoon. This body needs it and I'm really looking forward to it, fresh air, sunshine, time with Lucy and still making the $$! This schedule makes me so happy!

Lucy is so much more responsive to me now, it really did break my heart when she was snubbing me. I know I can't take it personally, after all she's just a baby, but I'm not going to lie when and say that it didn't hurt when she refused to say "Mama" for a week.

Me: "Come on Lucy say Mama."
Lucy: silence and side eye.
Me: "Ma-Ma, say Ma-Ma. Mama loves you."
Lucy: silence and crinkled nose.
Me: "Maaaaa-Maaaa. Mamamamama"
Lucy: "Dada"
Me: :: sigh::

Now it is all MamaMamaMama. Mama this, mama that. On Saturday morning she woke up next to me, rolled over and patted my face and said "Momma?". I love it! However, for some reason she is still having a extremely challenging time going to sleep at night. We haven't had a hard time getting her down for bedtime since she was 3 or 4 months old. Since then we have read her books, given a quick snuggle and the laid her down in her crib and without a peep she'd be off. Now...she screams like a banshee. It's slowly getting better but man, I thought we were in the clear. She still sleeps with us half the night, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it would be really nice if she felt comfortable enough in her crib again to start out in there at least! PS. Co-sleeping is awesome. I still think its one of the best things we've done. Period.

Thank you for all your encouraging words last week. It was rough, add on my raging PMS and you've got a trainwreck named Bev. My doctor wasn't lying when she told me that the IUD makes that time of the month worse...it is terrible. I wouldn't mind just plain taking it out... hmmm...what does that mean? I'll let you take what you will from that. Am I crazy? Discuss.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. "
-Marcel Proust

Haiti...

2010-01-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

It is hell in Haiti. Send your thoughts, prayers and if you're so inclined donate to an aid organization you believe in and trust. I'm planning on donating to the Red Cross tomorrow.

It's situations like this when it seems silly how America absolutely went crazy when the economy tanked. Yes, life was difficult, but times like this really put our idea of hard times into perspective. All around us there are countries lacking infrastructure to withstand such disasters, governments not ready with any sort of aid or even the stability to continue on providing the most basic services when something like this happens. The water is contaminated, the buildings have crumbled, they are on the verge of riots.

Do what you can, even if it is simply offering up your most heartfelt prayers, and count your blessings tonight that you live somewhere warm, that you are comfortable and your stomach is full, that the people you love are safe and nearby. Be thankful...I know I am.

"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not." -Dr. Seuss

Rough Night...

2010-01-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

...someone, anyone...please tell me this gets easier? This is worse than when I went back to work when she was 4 months old. I know, I know -- its just an adjustment and a lot of change for a baby but... its hard when she seems to want anyone but me. Not to mention it's also hard when she acts like I'm trying to murder her when I try to feed her. It was a rough night.

On that note, I was never the type that wanted to keep breastfeeding past a year. Hell, I'm shocked I made it a year (believe me, its been a challenge but that is another story for another day). But now its past a year it breaks my heart just a little bit knowing that fairly soon she'll be ready to be done and that there will be one last time to share that bond. I dwell on that one. last. time. I see it coming it makes me tear up a little thinking about it. Of course there is many, many more fun and exciting times that the future holds, but there is no denying that there's something special between mother and child during those moments and to see the end of those times is, well, a little sad.

::sigh::

Someone out there, please tell me that she'll start acting like she needs or wants her mama again soon?

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”

-The Wonder Years

First Early Day...

2010-01-11T19:31:00.000-08:00

... so today was the first day of my trial new work schedule of 6am to 3 pm. Here's a rundown.

Woke up at 4:45. Lucy had joined us, as she usually does at some point in the middle of the night, and was all snuggled up into my armpit (lucky for her I did shower the night before in anticipation of my early morning). Rob was snoring on the other side. I was actually wide awake although it was such a nice, snugly place I really didn't want to get up.

I did.

After washing my face and putting on my makeup I was surprised to find a wide awake baby with a wide awake Rob at about 5:15. Oh man, this is going to make for a tired baby later. I get ready and am out of the hour by 5:35...with Rob and Lucy waving goodbye at the door.

I do pretty well at work, getting some solid work done with none of the usual interruptions for a good 2 hours in the morning. I'm feeling good. Totally awake. Amazing...

Fast forward to several hours later... getting a little yawny. A little fuzzy around the edges...

Luckily it was almost 3:00 by the time I started really dragging. Unfortunately, by the time I got home with Lucy I was reeaaally tired. As in I had to fight to keep my eyes open when we were playing on the floor. Not to mention she starting snubbing me again from the time I excitedly picked her up at my moms. I was so excited to be home early, Luce...not so much. Back to being mad at me for going back to work. So that made me sad all over again. It was a tough night.

I realize its a learning curve for all of us. My body needs to adjust to the early mornings. Lucy has to get used to Mama going to work during the day. Hopefully everything will fall into place soon.

It's only the first day. I'm hoping its going to work. I think it might...

Now its time to relax with a cup of tea and the latest season of the Tudors on DVD...and asleep by 9:30.

“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there's going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn't experience it all. There's that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should've been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That's how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We're just warming up.”
-Chuck Palahniuk

Reality Check...

2010-01-09T19:22:00.000-08:00

I have been down all week because my happy-because-mommy-was-home-for-two-weeks baby has been majorly snubbing me and also refusing to go to bed all week now that I'm back to work. I had thought it had been a tough week until I read this from Jen at Maybe If You Just Relax. It put my situation in perspective (although seriously, NOT the time to tell me I'm a horrible mother for working, just don't, I already feel bad enough). Go over there any give her some love, anyone in that situation would have the beejeezus scared out of them and deserves a little comment lovin. Besides, if you're not following her already you should be as she is about as funny as they get, even in the scary times and that's saying something!

In other news my wonderful boss has encouraged me to try some different work scheduling options in order to spend more time with Lucy. Next week I'm trying out a 6 am (YES, as in getting up at 4:45 AM) to 3:00 pm schedule so that I'll have all evening with Lucy. Wish me luck! Any works of encouragement about getting up that early in the morning would be much appreciated if anyone out there has a similar schedule!

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."
-Unknown

Simplifying..

2010-01-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

I want to simply my home...and my life but that is another story entirely. I don't know when I'll find time to do so, but I really want to. I feel like over the years we've simply collected too much "stuff" and though I keep damn good house for a full time working mother, I just feel like there is too much "stuff" cluttering up our tiny house.

Thing is, I don't know where, or when, to start. But I do know that I'm going to try to go through room by room, cabinet by cabinet, drawer by drawer and get rid of the stuff that has just been hanging out there for ages without even being touched. There will be sections of my garage designated for "Goodwill" "Garage Sale" and "Trash". I'm hoping to be done by July (yes, it will take me that long). I just feel like when its done I will feel so...zen. Silly? Maybe. But I think it will really be a benefit in the end.

Anyone have any tips for My Home Simplifying Project?

ps. I almost forgot my quote and how much do I love this one?

"Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. " -William Morris

Updated! Lucy's First Birthday in Pictures...

2010-01-04T19:19:00.000-08:00

Our darling girl is one whole year old today. Has it really been one year since I held that tiny baby in my arms only minutes after she was born? Did the hospital really send us home with that sweet baby? I mean, did they know that I honestly knew next to nothing about babies? Honestly, it boggles the mind. And yet here we are, a year later...old pros with one another. We must have learned so fast, although I don't remember the learning part and I cannot, for the life of me, remember not knowing how to be a mother.

How fast this year has flown by. Excuse me, can we just slow down time? Just a little? My tiny infant is now bordering on toddlerdom. How can something be so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time? :: sigh ::

We had a little party for Lucy today to celebrate. Pretty simple really -- the lovely "1st Birthday Dress" her cousins wore on their birthdays, dollar store decorations, Rob-made-from-scratch Birthday Cake and ice cream. Add in friends, family and a gaggle of babies and voila! a wonderful birthday afternoon.

Without further adieu-- Lucy's Birthday In Pictures:

"Every now and then,
when the world sits just right,
a gentle breath of heaven
fills my soul with delight..."
-Hazelmarie Elliott, A Breath of Heaven

Last Year at This Exact Moment...

2010-01-02T08:51:00.000-08:00

We were right about here...still waiting:

...and hours away from this amazing miracle:

Happy Birthday Lucy!!

More to come later today!

"Where did you come from, baby dear?
Out of the Everywhere and into here."
-George MacDonald, At the Back of the North Wind

Eat.Pray.Love...

2010-01-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

Every year I make resolutions. Every year I break them within, oh, I'd say the first or second week of January. Maybe, by writing them down, I will stick to them this time. They're pretty lofty resolutions although more general than the usual "I'd like to lose 5 lbs" or "I won't complain about my job anymore". Been there, done that, broke those. In order to streamline my resolutions for this year I stole the name of a book that I've been meaning to read, but have never gotten around to doing so. The title works perfectly for my resolutions:

Eat. Pray. Love

Eat - Change up our diet. Now this isn't a diet to lose weight (although I'm hoping that will be an added bonus). This is a diet for the health of my family. We're talking little to none processed foods (that means cutting out high fructose corn syrup, added dyes, and many of the ingredients I cannot pronounce let alone type out), more organic, more fresh foods, more raw foods, more home grown, home baked, homemade. More family meals, no more eating in front of the TV. More variety, less of the same old thing (on my part at least, Rob, well, he's a chef, he can whip up something different in a matter of minutes and have it turn out amazing, me I have a rotation of about 8 actual dinner dishes and about 80 cookbooks). I'm even going to attempt to try something new out of said cookbooks every week (or so, remember, I said these were lofty).

Pray - I want us to go to church. I want to feel like there is something more and although organized religion and I have not always seen eye to eye, church does this for me. It inspires me to think beyond myself and my own little world. It makes me feel that there is someone out there watching over me and my family. Now, there are things I don't agree with. I'm more liberal than any church I've ever been to. There have been times I want to get up and walk out of a sermon. But, all in all, I know there is something more out there and I want to take time this year to explore it more myself. It's a loft goal but I'd like the read the Bible myself this year. And yes, I actually have one. I've always let someone else tell me what it says. I'd like to know for myself.

Love - Now this is the most important one. I'll love my life more. This may sound strange, but I have the baby I waited so long for, a wonderful husband and fabulous family and friends, but sometimes I get too focused on the things that I don't love about my life. These things drag me down when really I should focus on the things that lift me up. Yes, there are things I'd like to change, and I have faith that those things will happen for us someday. I know they will. But until then, I need to live more for now. I'll work hard but play harder. I will enjoy now. I Will Love Now.

There they are. My simple, yet ambitious, resolutions. I'm going to try hard to keep them up.

What about you?

"We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential."
-Ellen Goodman

ps. This time last year we were heading to the hospital for me to have Miss. Lucy. How fast the year flies by! Birthday post for my darling girl tomorrow!!!

Happy New Years Eve!

2009-12-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

We're actually going out tonight. On a grown-up night out. I'm going to get fancy and everything! That's right, fancy, as in I might be wearing a sparkly top/dress and HEELS (heels, when I'm not at work ...shocking). I may even go absolutely wild and crazy and wear lipstick.

Don't get me wrong. Rob and I have had plenty of date nights since Lucy has been born. We're lucky enough to have my mother who will basically watch Lucy at the drop of a hat. She's actually the one on the weekends who will always say "Hey, don't you two want to go to a movie, or dinner or something? ANYTHING? Yes? I'll be over in 5 minutes..." I feel incredibly lucky for this as I have girlfriends who have not gone out on a date or seen a movie in the theaters in months or even years because they don't have anyone to watch their children. We're so lucky to have that Nan Nan and don't I know it!

So, Nan is coming over tonight to watch Lucy and Rob and I are going downtown Portland with my best friend and her husband to go to a delicious little fondue restaurant/ martini bar. Not really anything wild and crazy, but I know we'll have a great time. Now I just need to find something smashing to wear. Remember, if you're home tonight at midnight (which I'm going to try to do so that we can ring in 2010 with my mom) open your doors and windows to let the old year out and the new year in!

What are your plans for NYE 2009 my dear readers?

Tomorrow, in honor of the New Year I'll be posting my resolutions for the upcoming year. Let me tell you, they're quite...ambitious. You're going to want to tune in for this one.

Happy New Year's Eve All! Have a fabulous (and safe) night! Cheers!

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man."
-Benjamin Franklin

A Not So Merry Christmas...

2009-12-28T14:43:00.000-08:00

So as much as I love Christmas and as excited as I was for Lucy's Very First Christmas it turns out that she wasn't in pain from teething over Christmas but from a raging ear infection (possibly brought on by her giant front teeth that have now emerged in all of their glory). Poor baby was absolutely miserable Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We took her to a new, local Pediatric Urgent Care on Saturday to fell like the WORST.MOTHER.EVER when it is not, in fact, those giant chompers but instead a terrible ear infection. First Christmas + First Ear Infection = Sad Baby. I will say though that the Pediatric Urgent Care was amazing. We were literally in and out in 15 minutes as opposed to the hours that we would have spent in a regular urgent care. If you're in the Portland area I would keep this place in mind if you have a sick child over the weekend or on a holiday, they are truly amazing!

So now that her antibiotics and ear drops have kicked in Miss Lucy is feeling much better I am enjoying my second week off from work immensely. Honestly, if only I could get paid to stay home with her. It would be a dream. However, that isn't going to happen anytime soon. Rob is going back to school to finish his bachelor's degree starting in January so it looks like I'll be the primary breadwinner for, well, a couple years at least (he's contemplating law school, so I'm seeing us living on canned beans for at least a couple of years). I'm glad for him that he is going to get his degree, I'm just sad for me because over the last couple months I feel like I'm helplessly watching Lucy's babyhood slipping away at a rapid pace. It is just so sad. I truly do feel like I'm missing out on so much. I'm thankful for a steady job, but it breaks my heart that it means less time with my family.

Anyways, enough whining for today... I want to share some pictures of our Christmas Day. It wasn't the best one, because Lucy really felt terrible, but we still had a nice morning of exchanging gifts with my mom and had a really lovely dinner made by Rob. He even did all the (millions of) dishes so my sad baby could snuggle with me on the couch after dinner. He's a saint I swear!

Our Christmas Day 2009:

The table all set for Christmas breakfast,

She's an old pro at this pony riding business,

Lou the cocker, enjoying the excitement,

We may not have gone crazy with gifts but Lucy's Nan Nan (my mom) and Nonnie and Pop (Rob's Parents) went NUTS! This is probably half of her "loot",

Rob with this puzzle stocking stuffer thing I got him, that literally took him two minutes to figure out. Why is he so damn smart?

My mom, "Nan Nan", all excited about the albums I made her of all my childhood pictures that she's kept in a box for the last 29 years,

The Christmas Dinner Table,

So that's it! Hope everyone out there had a wonderful Christmas, please share if you feel like it. I love hearing about Christmas, even when it is over. More to come later this week since I'm OFF WORK, yahoo!

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
Our troubles will be out of sight."
-Judy Garland

"All I Want For Christmas Is...

2009-12-24T09:01:00.000-08:00

...my two front teeth," says Lucy. Although, to be fair, I'm sure she doesn't actually want these teeth. Last week I couldn't figure out why she was so fussy at night and then, whilst she was laying on the bed screaming her tiny head off I say them. Her two top front teeth popping through. Poor thing get her bottom two and then 4 months later the top two show up.

She must have her daddy's big teeth because let me tell you, these ones are doozies. They are BIG. I feel so bad for her because she is obviously really uncomfortable. Hyland's Teething Tablets help somewhat, but the gel form of Hylands really seems to do the trick with these latest teeth. Last week I did break down and gave her a little Baby Motrin on the doctor's "ok" at night because she just couldn't sleep. She took that Baby Motrin and was out like a light, so although I was hesitant it at least made her comfortable enough to get some sleep. I'll only use it when absolutely necessary though, like last night when she was running a fever, and will stick to the Hylands otherwise.

So, Lucy is getting her two front teeth for Christmas. Along with some other less important stuff too. We didn't go nuts with buying her presents because honestly, she's just a baby. She has a ton of toys and is always more interested in things like the empty tissue box or cereal container, which are currently her two favorite toys. What can I say, the girl is easy to please and apparently doesn't have expensive taste. So she is getting mainly stocking stuffer type things for Christmas-- a couple sippy cups (with straws which she is currently obsessed with), some spoons, several books and for her "big" gift:

The Lamaze Octotunes Toy
Oh man, this thing is so cute and each of its legs plays a different tone so you can actually "play" music on it. On the tag it even shows you how to play Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. I love it! I might enjoy it more than Lucy as I'm anticipating she is going to go nuts about the boxes and wrapping paper and will completely ignore the toy.

Instead of buying Lucy a ton of toys this Christmas that she won't really care about either way, we decided to purchase extra gifts for my work's Giving Tree for the downtown Portland Women and Children's shelter. It made me feel really good that we were buying presents for children in need, children that weren't going to whine over not getting the latest electronic toy or a flat screen TV. You should have seen some of the Letters to Santa from our company Christmas Party, "Dear Santa, I don't believe in you anymore because you didn't bring me my Blu-Ray Player and Flat Screen last year that I asked for." Ugh. How sad, right?

For the Giving Tree one little 13 year old girl just wanted a purple umbrella, that was it. When I found the perfect, metallic purple umbrella for her I almost teared up because I knew she would truly love it. I could just imagine this little girl opening up the umbrella, the one thing she wanted for Christmas and being so thrilled and then that other child opening up his or her mountain of expensive gifts and being dissatisfied. It really made me feel good spending our extra money on the Giving Tree this Christmas and not starting Lucy out on a tradition of spending tons and tons of money just for the hell of it. I think one or two carefully selected gifts are so much more meaningful than a mountain of expensive stuff.

I'm excited for tomorrow. I love Christmas and we've really scaled back this year. We didn't buy a lot of gifts for each other but are just planning on spending the day at home (for the first time!) and will be doing the following: enjoying some amazingly good food prepared by Rob, listening to the last 24 hours of Christmas music on the radio, reading the Christmas Story to Lucy and then vegging out on the couch watching out favorite Christmas movies when Lucy goes down for her nap. How perfect, right?

What are your plans for tomorrow dear readers? Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree. "
-Roy L. Smith

Christmas Fun In Pictures...

2009-12-15T20:14:00.000-08:00

I love Christmastime. So much. Which is why I've taken a little break from blogging over the past couple of weeks. Work is so busy so that when I'm not working (which is rare) I'm enjoying my little family, staring at our beautiful tree, watching the candles flicker on the windowsills, taking in all of the season... and loving every bit of it.

However, since I don't want you all to forget about me (I'm almost off work for two weeks and then I'll post like a mad thing!). Here's a peek of our Christmas season so far in pictures:

"The best Christmas of all is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in one another."
-Unknown

Quick post ...

2009-12-04T16:07:00.000-08:00

... to let you know I'm still alive. Busy. Busy.Busy. but alive. Work is always insane around the holidays -- why is this? WHY? As the one and only thing I want to do is snuggle on the couch with Rob and Lucy while looking at the twinkling Christmas lights, listening to carols and sipping hot cider. So since I'm taking TWO GLORIOUS, WONDERFUL, AMAZING, FABULOUS WHOLE WEEKS OFF starting 12/19 until 1/4 I've got so much to do at work it isn't even funny! And, I just MAY be planning on doing a post every day during that time that I'm off work. Just maybe... or I could just be saying that so you'll stay with me during this time when I have absolutely no time to post whatsoever. You'll never know! Until 12/19 that is!

But, let me just leave you with something I am absolutely obsessed with lately. This blog here called The Sweeterie. Oh man ladies (and maybe gentlemen?), every time I click on it my heart does little flip flops because it is so full of THE BEAUTIFUL. I can't stand it. Sometimes it makes me want to cry it is just that lovely. I can't believe the talent of some people, these two ladies in particular are so shockingly gifted at photography and writing that I am just green with jealousy. I just love it. The Guardian Angle one from today? Hit home so hard that it makes me tear up just thinking about it.

Love love love love.

"A big part of being a guardian angle is the waiting..."

-T.ruffle Girls @ The Sweeterie

I'm A Guestie....!

2009-11-25T17:45:00.000-08:00

So when I was asked by the lovely and talented Jen from Maybe If You Just Relax to do a guest post on her blog I was terrified. I mean she may be the funniest blogger out there. Talk about having a lot to live (write?) up to. So, in my usual way I just rambled on about what? Myself. There's narcissism at its finest for you, but I suppose that goes along with:

A. Being a Blogger, which basically means you are devoting an entire website about yourself, your life, your family.
B. The fact that it was my birthday yesterday, which means the world revolves around me for the entire day.

So, I wrote it UP. By wrote it up I mean I wrote entirely too much and hope that her readers (and my own) don't fall asleep in a turkey induced coma halfway through.

Go see my guest post HERE and please, stay awhile and peruse the hilarity that is Jen. You'll love it, you'll love her. Everybody wins! I promise!

Have a wonderful, safe and Happy Thanksgiving. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and I'm going to spend the entire day inhaling turkey and eating my weight in potatoes, which means one of the things on my long list that I am thankful for will be a Stairmaster.

"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
-Erma Bombeck

Goodbye Old Friend...

2009-11-23T20:05:00.000-08:00

Sad day. My mom and I had to put down our lovely old dog Sonny today. He was a present from my dad to me just before my junior year in high school, a wild, insane puppy who loved all of us with reckless abandon. Most importantly he has been a constant companion to my mom ever since my dad passed away.

I've had many pets pass away before, but never one that was such a complete member of the family. It was so hard just watching him drift away, albeit peacefully, at the vets office. In my heart I know it was the best thing for him, he was old and obviously in pain for the past couple days, but I'll just miss him so much.

He was always there to greet me when I came rushing in from high school. Waiting patiently for me when I was home for the weekend from college. Let me cry tears of grief into his furry neck when my dad passed away. Loved my dad with all of his doggie heart, waiting outside my parent's bedroom door even in the last hours of my dad's life. Tolerated my parade of boyfriends, the arrival of Rob (whom he later came to love) and even put up with my annoying cocker spaniel who was adopted just before Rob and I got married. He followed my mom around the house like a shadow, she often literally tripped over him. He guarded her house like a true watchdog, you can't even imagine the sounds that would greet anyone who dare knock on the door. Kept her company in the quiet nights after I had married and moved out into my own home. For years after my dad passed away he would sneak upstairs into my mom's room and up onto her bed, without her even knowing until morning, all 120 pounds of him, and lay there, quietly not moving a muscle as not to wake her.

I'll never believe that animals don't go to heaven. In my mind he is out there somewhere in spirit, running through fields with the wind in his ears, with no more achy bones or arthritic back to slow him down, with my Dad close by, throwing him a stick. He was never just a pet or just a dog. He was family and we will miss him so.

Goodbye, Old Friend...

"Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It's the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here's a happy one for you."
-Dale Evans

Why Hello There, It's Been Awhile...

2009-11-22T15:33:00.000-08:00

Warning: We're about to get personal with bodily functions.

So, for the first time in 21 months, over a year and a half, its that time of the month. That's right, you guessed it, my period. Why hello there Aunt Flo, it's been awhile. Why don't you pull up a chair and stay for awhile, say like...7 days?

You may wonder why I'm posting this. I myself thought twice about doing it, but only did so for one reason. This is the first time in almost four years that it wasn't a bad thing. It's so strange. I'm wondering in anyone out there who has dealt with infertility felt the same mix of emotions the first time it came back.

I mean, no one welcomes this time of the month. In AF's two year hiatus I'd forgotten how much cramps H.U.R.T and had also conveniently forgotten that I turn into something that resembles a rabid, raging bull for at least three days. Poor Rob. The worst part is I know I'm doing it and simply cannot stop myself. For example:

Rob: "I found your car keys, they were in the fridge. Why would you put them there?"
Me: "ROOOOOAAAAR. RAAAAGGE. ROOOAAAAR." ::sulk sulk sulk::

I snap back at this most harmless comments, stew and steam about anyone who dares disagree with me. I have to make a concerted effort to not be a complete bitch. Which renders me exhausted. So there here I am, cranky, exhausted and feel like I'm being constantly headbutted in the uterus and punched in the ovaries, and them racked with guilt at my waspishness and woefully apologetic afterward on top of it. Isn't Rob a lucky guy?

It is still really strange though. This time there is no "You're NOT PREGNANT...AGAIN. DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT A BABY. FAIL...AGAIN." No hurt. No tears. No hoping that it was actually implantation spotting. No imagining symptoms. No thinking ahead to the next cycle, the next month, counting the days. No ovulation predictor. No next round of Clomid. No doctor's appointment. None of that, for the first time in years.

All I could think of was...wow, you know what this means? This means I'm not pregnant and that is completely OK. It's like letting go of that old infertile feeling, and damn, it feels good. On top of it all, this means that my body can (most likely, with some help) get pregnant again. Who knows when, and who knows how long it will take or when we'll even start trying again, but I'm back on track. So strange to think about. And, even through my AF induced crankiness, super exciting to think of as well.

Someday there will be another baby...babies. There will be a big family of us. A house filled with love and children and happiness. Lucy has completed this little family, but I want more for her just as much as I want it for myself. I want her to be one of a gaggle of brothers and sisters who fiercely quarrel and even more fiercely love. Whisper secrets to one another. Stick up for each other. Make mud pies and run in the rain barefoot together. Wait for Santa. Be the best of friends in the worst of times.There will be more babies, even if they don't all come from me and Rob, there will be more and it will be amazing. In a strange way it's a new beginning.

Did anyone else out there feel the same way?

"You won't realize the distance you've gone until you look around and realize how far you've been."
-Unknown

Firelight...

2009-11-20T08:41:00.000-08:00

So since many of you who commented yesterday will not have seen New Moon yet, I won't say a THING about the movie other than I'm dead tired this morning but I DON'T CARE. Loved it!

Ok, I lied, There are a couple things I want to say but I assure you that they are not spoilers:

I may have wanted to murder the million teenage girls who SCREAMED every single time RobPat came on the screen, (at least I was refined enough to simply bounce up and down in my seat and clasp my hands together ::swoon::)
Is it wrong to ::swoon:: over a 17 year old boy who spends the majority of the movie with his shirt off? I mean he is SEVENTEEN, why do they need to make him look so darn GOOD. If it is wrong I don't want to be right...
It was definitely worth the 3 hours of sleep I got by going to the 12:01 am showing last night.

So, as I can't say anything more I'll leave you with this skit from Saturday Night Live which just about KILLS me every time I watch it.

"I do believe I'm going to strangle someone...by accident"
-SNL Firelight Skit

Where I'll Be Midnight Tonight...

2009-11-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

Guess where I, (along with hundreds of rabid, RobPat crazed teenage girls), am going to be tonight at 12:01 am?

That's right folks. I've never admitted it on my blog but I am a closet Twilight fan. Ridiculous? Yes. Am I excited beyond words? Absolutely. I mean really, who doesn't want to watch a bunch of emo teenage actors say things like :

"I didn’t have to look to know who it was; this was a voice I would know anywhere—know, and respond to, whether I was awake or asleep… or even dead, I’d bet. The voice I’d walk through fire for—or, less dramatically, slosh every day through the cold and endless rain for. Edward."

or this:

"If he’d asked me whether I would risk my soul for Edward, the reply would be obvious. But would I risk Edward’s soul? I pursed my lips unhappily. That wasn’t a fair exchange."

or maybe this:

"So much had changed, and so abruptly. It made me feel a little bit dizzy, like I was standing on an edge, a precipice somewhere much too high."

::swoon::

Oh man, oh man, oh man. I'm so frickin excited! Go ahead, make fun of me for liking something that was written for pre-teen girls...or, be insanely jealous that I'm seeing it tonight, even though I need to be at work at 8:00 am tomorrow morning.

An Impossible Task...

2009-11-18T20:05:00.000-08:00

Is there anything more impossible that cutting a 11 month old baby's toenails? My very active little lady just cannot sit still for more than a moment and is obviously practicing for her debut as a tap dancer as I attempt, in vain, to cut those tiny, jagged toenails...maybe this means she'll be on So You Think You Can Dance one day, how exciting would that be?! I digress.

Once they started getting long and I realized it would be more appropriate to call them talons I knew I couldn't put it off any longer -- that and I was definitely done with getting scratched by said talons in the mornings while she is raking those sharp baby toenails into my stomach. It used to be so easy when she was smaller, and less..er...bouncy? All we had to do was secretly clip them in her sleep. Now she grabs, bounces and giggles if I even approach her feet with the clippers. Then once I get hold of those chubby, little feet its all over, she's kicking and laughing all over the place. I don't blame the girl, I've got terrible ticklish feet too, but, darling girl, the long toenail look doesn't work for anyone.

Is there some sort of trick to cutting a baby's toenails? We have the "special" baby clippers and I usually give her some sort of toy to distract her while I'm doing it, but obviously the toy is a lot less exciting than those shiny white and orange clippers. Any suggestions aside for going for The Guinness Book of World Records for toenail length? I tried to find a picture of whatever nutty person holds this record but strangely enough I was unsuccessful, count yourself lucky this time! Yuck!

"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"
-Milton Berle

Pretty Lady...

2009-11-17T19:30:00.000-08:00

Just for fun, my pretty lady...who is quietly singing "row row row boat" in her crib. Yes, she really does. She even sings it woefully when she is getting her diaper changed and is crying, and sings it when she wakes up in the morning while patting me on the face. She's so special, my darling girl.

"For you see, each day I love you more
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow."
-Rosemonde Gerard

Sigh...

2009-11-17T18:59:00.000-08:00

Alright, I did it. Dirty damn deleted. I still don't believe in CIO at all, but I see where people are coming from being all up in arms about the post. I guess I didn't read into the link as well as I should, I reread it and definitely understand.

I do NOT believe in CIO for my own children, and when I mean CIO I mean when it involves just letting a baby cry and cry and cry. Just plain letting them cry themselves into exhaustion. That is something I would never ever do for Lucy...only because I would feel cruel. Because I want sleeping to be something she equates with warmth, relaxation and security, not crying until she passes out.

You do whatever works for you, I'll do what works for me. I dislike dirty deleting but I never put it out there to be judgmental or self righteous and honestly just feel like getting rid of everything from today. I want this blog to be about Lucy and my own adventures in parenting, not a sounding board for what kind of parenting is the best, or worst. I've taken a step back and reevaluated what I want to write about--and that is Lucy, my family, how much fun we're having and sharing lots of pictures. I don't want it to be about soapboxes and how you should or shouldn't parent because frankly, that is your business.

Sorry for those of you who spent time responding, I definitely took everything to heart and I appreciate your input. I'm sure I'll get some not-so-nice comments for deleting too but that's cool. You say what you feel you need to. I myself am moving on from it.

PS. I'm putting the Lucy pictures post from today above this one because its THAT is what I want my blog to be about.

On a lighter note...Happy Baby Foods WINNER!...

2009-11-17T16:33:00.001-08:00

The lucky reader who has won the Happy Baby Foods Giveaway is...comment #13 (for some reason blogger won't let me post the picture of the Random.org generator so you'll just have to take my word for it)!!! This was Our Path to Parenthood who said:

"I love that Dr. Sears is associated with the company, and I love that they have unique products like the frozen finger foods."

Congrats lady!!! I'll be emailing you soon. Let me know how you like the products and Thank You Happy Baby Foods for hosting the wonderful giveaway!

"For each petal on the shamrock this brings a wish your way. Good health, good luck, and happiness for today and every day."
-Irish Blessing

Nostalic Sundays...

2009-11-15T19:52:00.000-08:00

Don't forget to enter the Happy Baby Foods Giveaway before 5:00 pm tomorrow. Enter in the comments of the post!

"Who knows what the summer breeze might bring..."
-The Wonder Years

Friday Giveaway ... Happy Baby Foods!

2009-11-13T20:11:00.000-08:00

I am so happy it is finally Friday! In honor of my favorite day of the week I'm hosting an amazing giveaway with Happy Baby Foods, the maker of Lucy's favorite cereal Happy Bellies (she prefer's the oatmeal version, although she's happy to eat any of the Rice, Oatmeal or Multi-Grain cereals that they offer). What I love about Happy Baby Foods is the fact that it is organic, probiotic with DHA--all things that are important to my Lucy's health, which is the most important thing to me, period. Best of all...it tastes delish (or so she tells me), which is the most important thing to her, period!

Happy Baby Foods will so generously give one lucky reader:

2 free trials of each of our product lines

2 free trials for our marketing partner YoBaby Meals OR Eric Carle Growth Chart (this depends on availability)

1 FAQ on Probiotics & DHA

1 Nutrition Guide co-authored by Dr. Sears

1 HAPPYBABY: The Organic Guide to Baby's First 24 Months co-authored by Dr. Sears

So awesome!!! I'm so jealous (as always)!

So you know the drill by now, right? Visit the Happy Baby Foods site and comment on what you liked most about the site. I myself think that it has some great FAQs and also really love getting the newsletter (it has coupons)! I also can't wait until they launch their Happy Baby Community, so exciting! Don't forget to leave your email in the comments so I can contact you when the giveaway closes. I'll leave this one up until 6:00 pm on Monday evening so everyone has a chance to get in on the goods. Good luck dearest readers!!

"Healthy Bodies, Healthy World"
-Happy Baby Promise

Better Late Than Never -- Dali Decals Coupon Code...

2009-11-12T10:22:00.001-08:00

Dali Decals has generously given my readers a 5% off coupon code for purchases made through December 3rd! Please use code 5OFFABM09 at checkout, don't forget to share with me what you bought!

Enjoy, I know I will!

"A girl should be two things: class and fabulous!"
-CoCo Chanel

Baby Food Tutorial...

2009-11-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

Let me let you in on a little secret, Rob is a trained chef. Jealous yet? If not you surely should be because the food he makes is out of this world! So when the time came for Lucy to be able to eat solid foods it was pretty much a given that we would make her food ourselves, which means Rob would make her food (hey, I'm determined to put that culinary degree to good use).

I mean, honestly, why buy jarred baby food? It's expensive, often has added sugars and preservatives, it isn't fresh and...did I mention it's damn expensive for those tiny jars? In my mind it is so much easier, fresher, healthier and cheaper for you to make it yourself. Do you need anything special? No, not particularly. There are several products out there that help in making baby food, like the Beaba Babycook, which will run you upwards of $130, and you can stock up on Silicone Baby Food Freezer Trays from iPlay that will run you over $7.00 or you can work with what is in your kitchen.

Now, our kitchen happens to be pretty well stocked with all sorts of fabulous culinary tools, most of which I have no idea how to use, so for some people it may be easier to purchase actual baby food making products. But for us all we needed was a stainless steel food mill and some silicon ice cube trays that I scored for $3.00 a piece at Ross (Sidenote: I feel that it is important to use the food grade silicon trays as there may be BPA in regular plastic ice cube trays.)

It's almost too easy to even devote a blog entry to explaining actually making the food, but I have some super cute pictures of Lucy eating so I figured I needed to write this up as a precursor to the adorableness that is going to follow.

What you do:

Buy veggies and fruits, preferably organic (we went to our local Farmer's Market, bought what was on sale at New Seasons (a local organic market) and stocked up Costco bulk organics as well used what was in our own backyard). Lucy's favorites were mangos, avocados, bananas, sweet potatoes, winter squash, green beans, peas, apples and pears (stay away from citrus!). If its the winter, as we are heading into now, and lots of the above are out of season then look to the organic frozen foods section, these are just as good and are often all ready for cooking and pureeing!
Prep veggies or fruits. This means peeling, putting, chopping and steaming (if applicable, mostly for veggies).
Puree veggies and fruits, we started out by mashing with a potato masher and then running them through the food mill (I'm sure a blender works as well).
Younger babies = puree more and add water if necessary (the water from the steamed veggies is great to use). Older babies = forgo the food mill or blender and just mash well so that they will have some lumps to be able to practice chewing (make sure foods are small and soft still and always, always watch while baby eats).
If babies are older try some fun combos of veggies and fruits that you've already tried in the past (to be sure there are no food allergies). Lucy LOVED Mangos and Avocados (we called them "Manacados"), which were SO good for her and funnily enough Rob's nieces who are 4 and 10 loved that concoction too when we made it for Lucy while on vacation. See what your baby likes and mix it up a bit!
Put food into silicon trays and freeze (perfect baby serving size!). When fully frozen transfer to gallon freezer bag (you can reuse these, no need to use a new one every time) and suck out the air with a straw to keep freezer burn away.
Voila! Servings of fresh fruits and veggies for baby!

Saving money on fruits and veggies not only enables us to buy organic but also gives us the extra money to buy the other "staples" that Lucy enjoys. She LOVES her HappyBellies Oatmeal Cereal and Multi-Grain Cereal, which she gets twice a day. She also loves to eat her Nancy's Organic Whole Milk Yogurt. I originally fed her a flavored baby yogurt until I realized that it had added sugar in it, which I really don't think she needs, she gets enough natural sugars from her fruits. Lately we've been having whole grain (dry) toast with sliced pears for lunch, which is a recent development that she just adores. Also, we've been trying more "real" foods for dinnertime. Last week she has tiny bits of chicken breast, some mashed potatoes and chopped sauteed zucchini, the next day she had (soft) brown rice and broccoli...and she loved it all. She still eats her homemade food, but she is growing up so quickly and trying more big girl foods! I will say Lucy still nurses about six times a day. I'm going to try and keep it up until she's at least a year, she also drinks water and wants absolutely nothing to do with juice so we stick with breastmilk and water!

Here's my big girl eating her big girl food:

Next time we make veggies and fruits I'll take a picture of the process. I wish I had some for this post but they're on my old computer and I just wanted and excuse to post our latest eating adventures pictures!

What about you, dear readers, have you tried making your own baby food yet? If not, is there any details that I'm leaving out? Let me know!

Coming up, a Friday Giveaway!

"I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food."
-Robert Orben

A Little Lucy Fix...

2009-11-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

Since I'm suffering from a terrible case of blogger's block here are some Lucy Halloween pictures tide you over!

Lucy as a carrot! This was originally a bunting-type costume that I bought last year when I was pregnant on sale at Marshalls for $3.00 but I soon realized that my active girl would NOT stand for being stuck in a sleeping-bag like costume, so I cut leg holes and sewed them! Am I crafty or what? (Sidenote: thankfully you can't see the sewing detail...it was, er, a little rough).

Lucy and her future BFF Anna!

Carrot girl!

"When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam,
May luck be yours on Halloween."
-Author Unknown

Nostalic Sundays...

2009-11-08T19:47:00.000-08:00

I've been so busy lately, my usual excuse, right? But I do promise updates and blog posts in the coming week. I've got super cute Halloween pictures of my little carrot, Letter to Lucy #1 and more. For now -- Nostalgic Sunday:

“Over the course of the average lifetime you meet a lot of people. Some of them stick with you through thick and thin. Some weave their way through your life and disappear forever. But once in a while someone comes along who earns a permanent place in your heart”
- The Wonder Years

Dali Decals Giveaway Winner!

2009-11-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

The winner of the Dali Decals Giveaway is...::drumroll please::Leah from The Toothless Grin who said: "How on earth do you pick?! There are so many! I think for my son's room it would be really fun to have the "Dandelion blowing in the wind" - probably in blue. These are amazing... I was just telling my husband about decals. I'll have to show him this site!" - Leah

Leah, I will be emailing you soon! Thank you so much to Dali Decals for the generous giveaway!

Also, stay tuned because Dali Decals has also promised to make a online coupon code for my readers, good for 30 days... I'll post it as soon as I receive it because I know you all are just dying to get your hands on some of those decals, as I am as well!

"Today was good, today was fun, tomorrow is another one."
-Dr. Seuss

Pole Dancing Therapy...

2009-11-01T20:14:00.000-08:00

Got you attention, right?

So today I took my first Pole Dancing/ Strip Workout class. I almost didn't go for a variety of reasons -- not wanting to give up my time with Lucy, having a sore throat, not wanting to show how absolutely awkward I really am to a room full of strangers...to name a few. I went though.

I hesitated mostly because I cherish every moment on the weekends with Lucy. I get so little time with her during the week that come weekend time I rarely ever go out and do anything on my own. Ever. Ask I my friends, they haven't seen me in, oh, about 10 months. To be absolutely truthful I'm perfectly happy not socializing or having outside interests, not doing anything but hang out with my girl. There, I said it. I'm not saying its right, but its true. I've become that mom. But something tells me that 10 months into this motherhood thing might be a good time to branch out a little, especially doing things that are for a couple hours only. A mom with other interests, be they few and far between, is a better mom for it. Or so I hear. So I sucked it up and told myself that from 2-4 pm is usually Lucy's naptime anyways and went.

Let me let you in on a little secret about myself post-baby. Since Lucy has been born I have felt feel about as sexy as this:

...and that's on a good day. I'm skinner than I've been in years, almost down to my wedding weight of 128 lbs. and I still feel, well, blah. There isn't really any other way to describe it. I just have a very overwhelming blah-ness that I see when I look in the mirror. I feel like now that I'm a mom it is just too hard to separate Mom-Bev from Sexy-Bev...in fact, Mom-Bev has just plain taken over and there just isn't room, or time, for Sexy-Bev. Man, she's so bossy that Mom-Bev...

I used to feel sexy without trying hard at all. I mean of course I had my off days, don't we all? But I'd like to say pre-baby I felt good about myself more often than not. Not to toot my own horn but, damn, I looked good. Cute body, nice hair, put together clothes, I wore a little makeup but still looked young and fresh, and pretty hot (ok, now I am tooting my own horn. Shamelessly).

Nowadays, my hair has gone wild post-pregnancy (and by wild I really mean wiry and gray, yes gray!), even with the weight loss I still have a woobly muffin around my middle and even with makeup on I still look...blah.

So, if you haven't figured through my long explanation, I am need of some major help in the sexiness department so when a friend of mine at work invited me to a Pole Dancing/Strip Class I was intrigued. So I went, and I'm glad I did. I'm not going to go into the specifics of the class (I did get to swing around the pole though), but I will tell you that I got some much needed perspective on sexiness. That is, I still can be sexy. Yes, it'll be awkward at first, but sexiness is like that old adage of falling off a horse, you just need to get back on again no matter how scary (by scary I mean ridiculous) it feels.

I'll back back for the next Pole Dancing/Strip class next Sunday... It may take a little while but I'm bringing sexy back.

"I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn't and it really doesn't have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips. "
-Sophia Loren

Nostalgic Sundays...

2009-11-01T09:57:00.000-08:00

"Once upon a time there was a girl I knew, who lived across the street. Brown hair, brown eyes. When she smiled, I smiled. When she cried, I cried. Every single thing that ever happened to me that mattered, in some way had to do with her."
-The Wonder Years

Happy Halloween...

2009-10-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! For your viewing pleasure...my Halloween costume from work yesterday:

There are four girls in my office at work and each of us was a "Golden Girl" for Halloween. I was "Ma" aka "Sophia". Don't be jealous, I know I look AMAZING. We handed out candy and generally made complete fools of ourselves, and I think the employees loved it. So it was a pretty successful day I'd say!

I love everything about Halloween so today we are going to the final Farmer's Market of the season, going to hang out a bit at home, hand out candy and then go to a Harvest Celebration where Lucy will be sporting her adorable "Carrot" costume and I will be wearing bunny ears...get it, I'm a bunny and she's my carrot? I just want to eat her up!

"Thank you for being a friend."
-Theme Song from "The Golden Girls"

Pumpkin Patch In Pictures...

2009-10-30T22:24:00.001-07:00

Last Saturday we took a trip to Sauvie's Island Pumpkin Patch, which we visit every year to go through the corn maize and then take a hayride to get our pumpkins. It was so much fun, as always. The day was a gorgeous, sunny day and we had such a wonderful time! I even bought pears and apples at the patch's market to bake pies the next day. So fun! I'll also share my pie-making and recipe at the end of this post because I have found the best.pie.ever!

The Market at the Patch...
Lucy and I...

Getting ready to enter the Maize...
In the Corn Maize...
Wandering around aimlessly...
The View...
Sunflower baby...
The Big Red Barn...
Happy Lady...
Flowers...
Squash...
Our purchases (Corn Nuggets = Amazing)...
Taking a rest...
Whoa...
At the Patch...
Hmmm... what is this?
That's right...we sat the baby down in the middle of the field...we weren't the only ones...
Choosing a pumpkin...
Our little family...
Pumpkins...

Now for my pie! The pie a recipe I found on Cooking Light and it is truly the best pie I have ever had so I thought I should share. It is a Pear Pie with Streusel Topping and Caramel Sauce. I found it very extremely easy to make and the only changes I would make the second time around are: double the streusel topping (it needs more because it is so delicious) and pre-bake the crust for 15 minutes with a weighted center before filling. Also, I always use Martha Stewart's Pate Brisee recipe for pie crusts, it is light and delicious every time!

Pears... Martha Stewart's Pate Brisee, my go-to pie crust. It is amazing every time, and easy!
Finished product...
Try it, you'll love it! The pears are way better for pies compared to apples in my mind. This is the pie I will be making for Thanksgiving. I love autumn!

Don't forget to enter today's Dali Decal Giveaway below. The Giveaway ends at 12:00 pm PST on Sunday!

"It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life. " -P.D. James

Giveaway Friday!!!

2009-10-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday everyone! I've got a great giveaway for you all today in honor of it being a FRIDAY and being the day before Halloween! What is it? A wonderful $25.00 gift certificate to Dali Decals, which is the decal company I used (also known as Badass Custom Decals on Etsy) for Lucy's room. See the pictures on my blog entry here.

I loved everything about the decals I had ordered last year for Lucy's nursery. I ordered the six little birds in birdcages (although I insisted that the birds fly around outside the cages when we came to put them up in her room...so they were "free") which went so wonderfully with Lucy's bird themed bedding and mobile from Pottery Barn. They were a great quality, super easy to put up on the walls and they looked fantastic. I've had SO many compliments on them! What do you need to do to win? Visit the Dali Decals site and tell me what decal you would choose with your gift certificate and where it would go in your home within the comments section of this post.

I'm going to play this one, although I obviously can't win. I would choose this one in red for our staircase ...

And this one in the chocolate brown for Rob and I's room...

Please remember to include your email address in your comment. The Dali Decals Giveaway will end on Sunday afternoon at 12:00 pm PST. Thank you for reading and GOOD LUCK!

"Decorate your home. It gives the illusion that your life in more interesting that it really is."
-Charles M. Schultz