My Green Thumb...

The spotting started today. 10 dpo, just like clockwork. I guess we need that RE appointment next week after all.

I can grow almost any plant, I have one of the greenest thumbs around. I only wish this talent applied to growing a human as well.

"You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt. "

-Author Unknown

Five Reasons I Will...

There are five reasons that I will get pregnant this cycle, and they are as follows:

5. I have done nothing in the way of predicting ovulation this cycle. No charting temperatures, checking cervical mucus, OPKs, CBEFM, green tea, mucinex, counting my cycle days, timed sex...nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. I needed a break, we both did, from all the timing and scrutinizing We needed time just to be the people we were before infertility... and hey, we still got busy. It would just figure, wouldn't it? I'm going to be that person, "We stopped trying and POOF we got pregnant!" I promise you, I will never, EVER say that.

4. I have recently been put in charge of the brand spanking new Lactation Rooms for my company's two locations. Yes, I said Lactation Rooms. I, the infertile, must order baby magazines, cute out informative articles on breastfeeding and parenting for their reader board, ask employees for pictures of their little ones for the picture board, pick out decorations and cosy chairs so they can comfortably pump their milk and schedule the room for the incoming new mothers. This has GOT to be a sign. I'm practically making this room for myself in 9 months, right?

3. Every time I turn on the TV I see that stupid Clear Blue Easy commercial for the "most advanced piece of technology you'll ever pee on." Really. It is getting ridiculous.

2. I have been working out religiously all month long and I'm starting to notice a little bit of leeway in my previously tight pants. It would totally figure that the moment I start to actually try and lose the weight that the past two years has saddled me with I would get pregnant. Which, I might add, would be totally fine with me! Bring on the food cravings! Bacon anyone?

1. On our 2 year TTC anniversary, April 2nd, I have an appointment with a specialist.

There is one reason I may not be:

1. 2 years, 730 days, 17, 532 hours, 1 05,1 898 minutes, 63,113,852 seconds of NOT being pregnant.

5-1 odds. Anyone want to start betting on the outcome?

I just keep telling myself, there is always a chance. It is practically my motto.

"I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries"

-Theodore Isaac Rubin

Moving Forward...

Hello out there! Again I've been slightly MIA but I've been wrestling with a terrible case of bloggers block, but what better way to overcome blogger's block than to blog right? When you fall off the horse you just need to get right back on again. So here I am, with noting particularly inspirational or humerous to talk about, but I'm here nonethless.

So first, I have to share something that happened at work today that made me realize how much people don't realize that it isn't always easy to get pregnant. I was talking to one of the girls in my office about a mutual friend, here is the conversation:

Co-worker: "Is C. still trying to get pregnant?"

Me: "Yep."

Co-worker: "STILL? OMG how long have they been trying? It feels like FOREVER ago they told us they were going to try for #2! "

Me: "Well, I think its been 9 months."

Co-Worker: "That is soooo long. I never knew it was so hard to get pregnant, did you? It makes me worried! Doesn't that freak you out? It make me want to try soon so I'm not too old. Poor C.... By the way, when are you guys going to start trying to have kids?"

Me: "Er...um..."

So goes my life as an undercover fertile!

So right now I feel like we're at a standstill for the moment with our IF journey, but not for long! I've decided not to wait the three months post-HSG out as my GYN suggested. I think she's fantastic, but she's not exactly the most aggressive in moving forward and now that we actually have coverage for an RE I really think we should take advantage of it. I've asked around and done some research and am currently deciding between two of the top IF doctors in Oregon. I was thrilled to find out that both of them are in my health insurance's network of doctors! They have fantastic success rates which is so encouraging and is bringing the hope back.

I asked Rob the other day when he thought we should schedule a appointment and he suggested we wait until the end of this cycle. Although more than anything I'd like to make an appointment for, well, yesterday, I'm going to go along with it because really want Rob to know his point of view matters and that I'm not the one making the descisions. So far he hasn't had the chance to have a lot of input. Most of the treatment and testing so far have come from my doctor and have involved my own body, so I think by agreeing to wait this cycle out he gets to be an active participant. I mean, he's certainly an active participant in one way...get it? Ok, lame joke. We've agreed to make the appointment for the beginning of next cycle. Apparently these two doctors are really proactive and there would be a possibility of an IUI as soon as next month. I'm so excited at that possibility. I'm really hoping that this step forward gets us out of this limbo we're in. I feel so good about this, I really do!

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up.”

-Anne Lamott